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Thread: Wanting to marry military

  1. So lost and wandering.
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    #1

    Wanting to marry military

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    Why does wanting to be married to someone in the military always come with a stigma?? Like you get a divorce and turn around and seek out someone who is in the same lifestyle. Why does that always have to mean you have bad intentions? I for one am not happy in the civilian lifestyle. I am not physically able to join, so I am married to it. It is acceptable to seek out men who have brown hair, or blue eyes, or even based on other jobs. But to seek out people in the military is called tag chasing, or the ever famous "dependa". Why is this?
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Icryinbaseball View Post
    Why does wanting to be married to someone in the military always come with a stigma?? Like you get a divorce and turn around and seek out someone who is in the same lifestyle. Why does that always have to mean you have bad intentions? I for one am not happy in the civilian lifestyle. I am not physically able to join, so I am married to it. It is acceptable to seek out men who have brown hair, or blue eyes, or even based on other jobs. But to seek out people in the military is called tag chasing, or the ever famous "dependa". Why is this?
    There are stereotypes attached to so many other jobs, you just see the one attached to the military because that is the world you are in. There are people who only want to date doctors, lawyers, people who will only have sex with famous people, people who want to marry men who are in one of the top 5 financial companies- it happens a lot. I think the reason, though, for the negative stereotype is because tons of people are marrying those groups for bad reasons (money, security, lifestyle, social standing). People think doctors are rich, when in fact, they arent that rich and have a whole lot of troubles people dont think of until they are living in that lifestyle.
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    #3
    I think it is odd to seek out someone based on their job. If DH had told me that the reason he sought me out was because I was going to be a doctor I would have run the other way...and fast! I guess for me, a job is just that, a job. And it is separate from the person. So to seek out someone specifically because they are in the military seems very odd to me since it is just that...a job.
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by RetepDoc View Post
    I think it is odd to seek out someone based on their job. If DH had told me that the reason he sought me out was because I was going to be a doctor I would have run the other way...and fast! I guess for me, a job is just that, a job. And it is separate from the person. So to seek out someone specifically because they are in the military seems very odd to me since it is just that...a job.


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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by RetepDoc View Post
    I think it is odd to seek out someone based on their job. If DH had told me that the reason he sought me out was because I was going to be a doctor I would have run the other way...and fast! I guess for me, a job is just that, a job. And it is separate from the person. So to seek out someone specifically because they are in the military seems very odd to me since it is just that...a job.
    I also agree with this.
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    #6
    I think there would be some concern that some people marry into the military because they're more in love with the military lifestyle/benefits than the actual person they married. I knew several people who sought out a military person to date/marry. One in particular- once her first marriage dissolved, she sought out another military guy. We lived in a college town, so she had to purposely seek them out.

    I'll be honest here- I think a lot of civilians do not understand what all it takes to be a good military spouse. They don't understand the sacrifices that they make along with their husband/wife to support them in their roles. They only see the benefits- free healthcare, free housing, discount tickets everywhere not understanding the big picture. That might play into the marriage misperception.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by RetepDoc View Post
    I think it is odd to seek out someone based on their job. If DH had told me that the reason he sought me out was because I was going to be a doctor I would have run the other way...and fast! I guess for me, a job is just that, a job. And it is separate from the person. So to seek out someone specifically because they are in the military seems very odd to me since it is just that...a job.
    This is how I feel too. Like if someone was deliberately seeking out a doctor, or a singer, or a truck driver ... I wouldn't think it was bad but I would think it was a bit odd. And if someone said they were attracted to me and sought me out because of my job it would be a red flag for me.

    But I also don't consider the military a lifestyle, to me (and DH) it's really just a job. I don't think it's really significantly different from living as a civilian.

    I guess I will say I also think it's different from seeking out people with physical features you find attractive. Like DH says he finds me physically attractive and that makes me feel good. I think that's different than liking something about my job or my lifestyle.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by RetepDoc View Post
    I think it is odd to seek out someone based on their job. If DH had told me that the reason he sought me out was because I was going to be a doctor I would have run the other way...and fast! I guess for me, a job is just that, a job. And it is separate from the person. So to seek out someone specifically because they are in the military seems very odd to me since it is just that...a job.
    Exactly.
  9. So lost and wandering.
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    #9
    I am so comfortable with the military lifestyle I am lost without it. I am the opposite of most who jump into the military lifestyle. And I would not want to be married to a doctor or a lawyer or anyone with a ton of money. Money is not something that matters to me. I would be turned off by someone who wanted to flaunt how much money they had. Obviously no matter the profession you would have to love someone before you married them. No matter who is involved in that situation it is never wise to just jump in.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Icryinbaseball View Post
    I am so comfortable with the military lifestyle I am lost without it. I am the opposite of most who jump into the military lifestyle. And I would not want to be married to a doctor or a lawyer or anyone with a ton of money. Money is not something that matters to me. I would be turned off by someone who wanted to flaunt how much money they had. Obviously no matter the profession you would have to love someone before you married them. No matter who is involved in that situation it is never wise to just jump in.
    What parts make you comfortable and what would you be lost without?


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