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Thread: Cheating

  1. i request the highest of fives!
    lorem_ipsum's Avatar
    lorem_ipsum is offline
    i request the highest of fives!
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    #51
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    I'm torn... on one hand, I agree with MrsG. Because, honestly, a one time thing would not be enough to end my marriage, for completely selfish reasons. I am not strong enough without my husband to tear it all down because he fucked up and he deserves it. I would stay and we would deal with it because I would still want to be with him. So yes, not knowing would save me from the indescribable hurt of still loving and wanting to be with someone who I would always wonder if he didn't want to be with me.
    On the other hand, keeping the secret would be SO much worse to me than doing it once and coming clean. If I found out years later or something (which I would, because DH is incapable of keeping secrets from me and even worse at lying) THAT would tear me apart so much more than the original cheating.

    I... don't know. Either thought hurts my heart.
  2. I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
    *IGrow'EmXL*'s Avatar
    *IGrow'EmXL* is offline
    I was the perfect mom, until I had kids.
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    #52
    Quote Originally Posted by Miriah View Post
    mistakes have consequences. and it meant something at the time it happened or else it wouldn't have happened.

    if my husband cheated on me it means he liked another woman for all of the 30 minutes or however long it took them to have sex. he liked her enough to put his penis inside her. that means something. and being drunk is not at all an excuse for cheating.

    i love my husband but i love myself way more and my own feelings are way more important to me than someone who blatantly disrespects our marriage and me. i don't give half a shit if he's regretful, sorry, or anything else. i don't tolerate bullshit like that what so ever.

    if he can cheat on me then he doesn't value our marriage obviously and he doesn't need me. i'm a big girl, i can survive just fine without a man who disrespects me. life is way to short to live with distrust and unhappiness.
    Well said

    I would definitely want to know, because to me, cheating, its like every other part of life, is based on the choices we make. There is no excuse for cheating in our marriage, drunk or not. If you drink, you know what kind of drunk you are. If you happen to be the kind of drunk who tends to get a little too friendly with the opposite sex...you make a choice not to drink with the opposite sex. If you find yourself in a situation where you did anyway and things are crossing a line, you make the choice to walk away. If you make the choice to not do either of those and sleep with someone else, than that's the choice you made. You had choices and decisions before that moment where you could've avoided it. So just as my DH made the choice to marry me, if he cheated, he was making the conscience choice to divorce me as well. For us, cheating isn't a something we'd work through. We both agreed on that when we first started dating.

    That being said, it does work out for some people. Some people can forgive, move on from it, and have wonderful marriage, but that can't happen unless the SO is upfront about the cheating in the first place.

    I could not work through it, because simply, I could never trust him again, and a marriage without trust isn't a marriage at all for me.


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