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Thread: Regretting having your children

  1. Mommyof2in09's Avatar
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    I couldn't read the blog...makes me sad when people regret their kids

    I sometimes wonder what it would be like if we didn't have kids. I am pretty sure DH and I probably wouldn't be together and I am not saying we are only together for the kids. We got married when we got pregnant with ODD (we had planned to anyway) and if I wasn't pregnant we probably would have waited longer and may not have stayed together. I know confusing post but hopefully someone understands what I am saying lol. Our kids saved our relationship and we are happier now then we ever were before having them.

    I have never regretted my kids and most the time I couldn't imagine my life without them but I do wonder what it would be like if I didn't have them so young. I was never into partying and getting shit faced but it would be nice to go out with friends and hang out. Most my friends and I lost contact after I had ODD then YDD and then moving to another state. Some didn't like my husband but whatever I kinda understand...some shit he did to me was not nice but I wasn't the greatest GF at one point (we have never hit or abused each other). I know life is better now then it would have been if I didn't have them. They brighten my day and always do the funniest things that always make me smile or laugh. Its never a dull moment with these two and I am the happiest momma in the world.

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  2. "If you don't like my attitude, quit talking to me"
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    *have not read all the comments*

    In the article she stated she told her husband she didn't want to have any children, but he wanted four. I can totally understand her 'giving in' to him to have 2 children even though she didn't want any. He thought her sentiments about children would change, and they didn't.

    I see no harm or anything with her attitude. She didn't want any, she compromised with two to 'please' her husband, she still cared for the children, loves them, and nurtured them. But I can see how they could 'suck the life' out of her.

    Do I regret having children, No. Do I miss the days where I could do what I wanted? DAys of less stress, etc? Do I long for the days where it can be me and my husband, alone again? Yes. But, those days are coming. and some are here. I can now leave my children without a sitter and do the things I want. So, I didn't get to do that fun stuff from mid 20s-mid 30s, but so what. I'm finding at nearly 40, life is better anyway, and I have a better perspective of life.

    But, as far as this woman, I see no harm in her thinking or how she feels. As long as she didn't harm her children or cause them to be harmed, and still gave them a fulfilling life, who cares.

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  3. I Will Rise Above
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    Quote Originally Posted by ٭Wickεd٭ View Post
    I agree, this is how I read it.



    That's what she claims, but yet she left her child outside of a store while she went home after shopping. By himself. She never told her kids she loved them unless they asked her to. She immediately put them off on their dad whenever he was around. That isn't doing it to the best of her ability, breastfeeding or not, being able to afford them or not. That is doing the bare minimum. I definitely didn't read it as she did everything she could despite her feelings.



    I agree with whoever said that there is a HUGE difference between regretting the timing of your children, and regretting their very existence.
    I agree with the and how Blue interpreted the article is much howi did. Your last sentences golden huge difference. And that remains true if they had previously wanted kids or not. It's not about previous desire it's about present. What was done, what actions were shown, how it affected the children etc?
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    Quote Originally Posted by ٭Wickεd٭ View Post
    I agree, this is how I read it.



    That's what she claims, but yet she left her child outside of a store while she went home after shopping. By himself. She never told her kids she loved them unless they asked her to. She immediately put them off on their dad whenever he was around. That isn't doing it to the best of her ability, breastfeeding or not, being able to afford them or not. That is doing the bare minimum. I definitely didn't read it as she did everything she could despite her feelings.
    1st bold... parents who planned and want their kids have never done that? We never hear of stories of parents who forget their kids in a store, in the car, forget to pick them up from daycare, and so on? It was an accident and I don't think its a valid argument against her.

    Again, there are a ton of parents that do not express love in words so I don't think her daughter bringing it to her attention to be a big deal. Its not like she sat there and thought "wow, I really want to hurt my kids so I am not going to tell them I love them all the time"... it just was not how she functioned.

    Putting them off on dad... so what? He is their parent as well, why shouldn't he have to share in the responsibility of raising them?

    Idk... considering what she did, and what she is STILL doing, I don't get how you can say she did the bare minimum.
  5. was ncgirl
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    I agree with Pita.

    In general parenting has changed so much in the last few generations. Just 100 years ago nearly every woman had children, do you think none of them regretted that? I think this is probably very common. I know a lot of people that have been married for many years and still argue about how many children to have. I think a lot of people figure that the other will compromise in some way so that things work out, even with the big things. That and people change.

    ps, I've heard many stories of people leaving their kids early on, just totally forgetting that they now have someone always in tow.


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  6. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    I have a hard time believing that someone can love a child yet call them a parasite and wish they never existed. Was she a sufficient parent in the sense that she cared for them? Sure. Love? Hell no.

    I think the most outrageous aspect is her blatant hypocrisy. She feels judged because of her feelings on children, yet goes on a rant about how working mothers are only half-heartedly raising their children. Pot, meet kettle.
  7. So lost and wandering.
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    I was a child that was not wanted. My mother was very vocal about it from the get go though. The thing is when my sister came along she was simply not "planned", I was refered to as not wanted. It is hard to know that your mother regrets having you, and didnt want you to begin with. No matter what age you find out.
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    Quote Originally Posted by nightingail View Post
    I have a hard time believing that someone can love a child yet call them a parasite and wish they never existed. Was she a sufficient parent in the sense that she cared for them? Sure. Love? Hell no.

    I think the most outrageous aspect is her blatant hypocrisy. She feels judged because of her feelings on children, yet goes on a rant about how working mothers are only half-heartedly raising their children. Pot, meet kettle.
    it's probably some veiled anti-working moms story. . She looks like such a psycho I think her point is lost though

    Quote Originally Posted by BeccaCCK View Post
    I was a child that was not wanted. My mother was very vocal about it from the get go though. The thing is when my sister came along she was simply not "planned", I was refered to as not wanted. It is hard to know that your mother regrets having you, and didnt want you to begin with. No matter what age you find out.



    "If we ever forget that we're one nation under God, then we will be a nation gone under." - President Ronald Reagan
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    So I have read the "letter" she wrote many times. And I agree that in general it just seems sad, sad on so many levels. Sad that she feels such major regrets in life, sad that she sees nothing wrong with her kids knowing she regrets them, and sad that she she decided to use other moms so-called shortcomings to make herself feel better about her decisions.

    I understand feeling regret, or being overwhelmed. I had never planned to have kids. To be honest, if the condom hadn't broken I probably wouldn't have. I had Seth at 16, for 2 years I had a child that screamed non-stop and disliked being held and many other issues, honestly I had moments where I thought I had made a mistake. I thought I should have given him up for adoption, that I was screwing up and he hated me.... I thank God that the reason for the constant crying and milestone delays and dislike of contact was autism, we had a wonderful support system, and a great therapist, because I can't imagine living life with the constant bitterness of regret. Reading what she had to say I wanted to sympathize with her but I couldn't. She had this tone of superiority when discussing working moms, how she didn't even want her kids BUT she atleast she was the caregiver for them

    A lot of people end up in situations they didn't plan, but they usually try to make the best of it. Instead of focusing on the regrets of a life, she could have found the positives that happened in life, with her kids. I am sure she had good experiences with them. But again, it all just seemed sad. Even when speaking of caring for her daughter with MS, it came out very self sacrificing and seemed just a new reason to regret having her kids.
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