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Thread: Kids, House, ect... but no marriage?

  1. Where there is courage, there is humility
    *Court*'s Avatar
    *Court* is offline
    Where there is courage, there is humility
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    Apr 2008
    I am on the fence about this. I always wanted to get married, i was married, and it didn't work out. With my DB now, I go between wanting to be married and not wanting it at all. Part of it is we live together. I don't think it will take away from marriage at all, it just put us more comfortable with each other. One of the reasons I hesitate on marriage is because I have a lot if debt that I am paying down. I don't want to burden him with that, even though he says I am not.

    I never truly understood the marriage is an institution quote people always say. Are they meaning something bad by it?
  2. Senior Member
    Guynavywife's Avatar
    Guynavywife is offline
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    Aug 2007
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    PITA, let me ask you this "why should they get 'married' officially?"
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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    I think it's really funny when people come on here, and automatically assume that everyone here is a gung-ho, hoo-rah, i-bleed-red-white-and-blue, kiss-my-military-ass, people-in-uniform-can-do-no-wrong, and i'm-entitled-to-everything bitch.
    "RIP Blackie, and Whitey, New Whitey. Goodbye Poopers and Momma Beige and Lady Grey. New Blackie and the Whitey Sisters rule the roost now!"
  3. Regular Member
    Virginia_Gal's Avatar
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    Apr 2013
    I know for me and my DB, its a point of both of us being married several times before and not wanting to make the same mistake again. I think marriage will be down the road for us, but since I will be a new "military" SO, and moving in when he gets back, we thought this would be the best way to start out.
  4. ...and carry a towel.
    Space Hedgehog's Avatar
    Space Hedgehog is offline
    ...and carry a towel.
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    Dec 2010
    I cannot tell you exactly why other people do it, but I've given a lot of thought to it lately, and here's my view.

    Marriage used to be a crucial institution in the times when the church held full sway over people's lives, and you basically needed the church's permission to share a life with someone, or you were ostracized and condemned. This is no longer the case. I see marriage as a pretty pointless and meaningless institution. It is just an economic contract, and an additional expense both in entering the contract, and in dissolving it if necessary. You can share a life with someone without it, and if someone would want to leave and stays JUST because of this contract... I'd prefer if they left. The only reason I married exDH was because the military, an equally archaic institution in its rules and understandings, wouldn't recognize our relationship without it. I also experimentally proved marriage is worthless, from my point of view.

    Does this mean I'll never get married again? If it's only up to me, yeah, I intend to stay happily unmarried for the rest of my life. If it actually matters to my potential future partner, then I'd consider it. But as far as I'm concerned, I am fine without it.
  5. be silly. be honest. be kind.
    Jenni Penni's Avatar
    Jenni Penni is offline
    be silly. be honest. be kind.
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    Jun 2010
    I would imagine people who make that personal and individual choice for their lives believe that marriage is not necessary to have a fulfilling life and relationship with another person. And I agree, marriage isn't a necessary ultimatum for romantic (and even in some cases, platonic) relationships. The only true benefits for entering in to a marriage (contract) is for legal/financial reasons as well as to fulfill traditional expectations.

    For me personally, I had no intention of getting married though I was open to romantic, committed relationships. I think my aversion to marriage was developed from seeing the train wreck that has been my biological parents marriage. Observing the fallout from their marriage would incite no one to enter in to marriage, it was all awful. The only reason I did marry was because of DH. Even though I didn't want to marry, I wanted to marry him...if that makes sense, not sure if it does.

    "The purpose of life is not to simply be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well."
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson

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