Divorce.

[Eye]

Why is it when people find out about a divorced couple the first question they ask is, "Do they have any kids?"

If no it's, "Well thank goodness"
If yes,"That's such a shame!"


Even I think this. But the truth is, my husband's parents got divorced when he was 6 months old. And he is a wonderful loving man that wasn't torn apart by his parents.

Thoughts?

[chriswifey]

Divorce can be hard on kids. I don't think I'd make any of those comments though.

[navygirl8407]

well in most divorce cases involving kids...it's very hard on the kids. My parents were divorced when I was younger and had the hardest time. I think getting a divorce without kids is much easier.

[His*PITA*]

Like any other dramatic change, it can have a huge toll on kids to go through something like that... It really comes down to how the parents handle breaking the news, at what age it happens, what the relationship between parent and child is, and how its handled after the fact & growing up...

[Bridget<3Avery]

I think it depends on the age. At the point when I was almost 18 and my brother was almost 16, my parents finally were making the divorce final.. and it was nasty (from my mother's end). It was hard on us because from one side of the family (my mother) we were being pulled and told bad things and threatened. From my dad's side there was no pressure. Of course we wanted to live with my dad because my mom was abusive. We had to go through the process of seeing a mediator and writing letters to the court explaining why we wanted to live with our dad.

I think it all depends on the age of the kids, how the parents handle it, how much the involve their kids, how much they take the kid's opinions into consideration, etc. There are a ton of factors.

[Truegrits81]

If my husband and I were to get divorced at this moment in time, It would completely DEVASTATE our kids (just an example). I believe it depends on the age. Family life also plays a big part in it to me. If it's just a bad situation for everyone involved, sometimes you have no choice. But the kids are always the ones who suffer and it is, indeed, a shame.

[ProudArmyWifeD]

Originally Posted by Eye Why is it when people find out about a divorced couple the first question they ask is, "Do they have any kids?" If no it's, "Well thank goodness" If yes,"That's such a shame!" Even I think this. But the truth is, my husband's parents got divorced when he was 6 months old. And he is a wonderful loving man that wasn't torn apart by his parents. Thoughts?

Because divorce is never ideal, fair or kind. Period. Even the kindest, most amicable split leaves its mark on all involved. That doesn't have to mean that children of divorce ALL end up dysfunctional, emotionally scarred, or worse of a person. It doesn't mean that all children of divorce are unable to love or know security or go on to have a successful marriage of their own.

But it is something I'd never wish on any child, ever. I, for one, am devastated that my child will be a child of divorce. And that is not to say I think she'd be better off raised with my marriage intact - if I thought that I wouldn't be separating. This decision was the hardest I've ever had to make, and I made it with HER best interests in mind. It is the less of two evils, and I am positive that I will do everything in my power to be sure it does the least amount of damage to her. But if I could wave a magic wand and make it all better so that my family could stay complete - you bet I would.

So yeah, divorce is never something you say, "Wahooo!" about. Even if it is the best for all involved and you do end up celebrating it down the line, I'd still say that it's, "Such a shame" even if they don't have kids. It's no picnic. I can't imagine anyone celebrating that fact that anyone - especially children - have to go through a divorce. Even if they are better off in the end.

ETA: I don't think those sentiments (What a shame) really are making any comment as to how the child will turn out. Some divorced couples can handle co-parenting very well, or even better than they could handle parenting while married. Some children are better off in a divorced family. However, I think the comments are more geared to the *process* of divorce (which is what I was referring to above) which is hard on everyone involved.

[lovehim13]

Originally Posted by His*PITA* Like any other dramatic change, it can have a huge toll on kids to go through something like that... It really comes down to how the parents handle breaking the news, at what age it happens, what the relationship between parent and child is, and how its handled after the fact & growing up...

Agreed!

[clsmarathon]

Well, because I'd imagine that one of the major underlying factors of divorce is kids. Kids and money are the two biggies.

[square bear]

Originally Posted by navygirl8407 well in most divorce cases involving kids...it's very hard on the kids. My parents were divorced when I was younger and had the hardest time. I think getting a divorce without kids is much easier.

As a child of divorced parents I can understand exactly why that's the first thing people think. It's difficult to get a divorce period but when kids are involved it really intensifies everything tenfold. I think that a divorce when the kid is too young to remember it is a lot different than one that occurs when the kids are actively being involved in the situation. Regardless, it will change the child's life.