Living together/Buying a house...

[Eye]

I've been reading these threads about having kids before marriage, etc.


I'm curious. My g/f and her boyfriend have been together 4 years. They just recently bought a house together and are talking about kids. There is no sign of a marriage proposal from her b/f. Not even a hint, even though she really wants to marry him.

Why do you think things have gotten so backwards in the last few years? I mean, even 20 years ago when I was dating, it was unheard of to not be married before buying a house together.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I never would have DREAMED of buying a house without being married.

Thoughts?

[His*PITA*]

My guess would be that was 20 years ago and things, esp. social trends have changed drastically since then... Not everyone looks at marriage the same way, it doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, not all people hold it to the same standards... I personally don't see that as "things going backwards" but more things progressing forward...

I personally would not buy a house before marriage (mainly because I could not put to much towards paying for it), but I would live and did live with my DH before we got married...

[Amberlyn]

I personally think it started with ppl "rebelling"... and just got taken from there..
I don't see a problem with doing all these things without being married, but it gets tricky, since so many things aren't protected when your "just dating". Most states don't really take the "common law" marriage into account. So legally, you don't have nearly as many rights as if you were married.
What I don't understand is if you want to make the commitment of buying homes, and having children, why wouldn't you just take the step to get married?

[honeybunny1]

For *ME* I would never live with someone, buy a house, or have a child without being married.

[Amberlyn]

I did all of the above.. And like I said, I wasnt protected... When we broke up, he got everything because since he made so much more, everything was in his name... which ended up ok I supose cause he had everything that came with a payment, lol

[sapphiremommy]

Originally Posted by His*PITA* My guess would be that was 20 years ago and things, esp. social trends have changed drastically since then... Not everyone looks at marriage the same way, it doesn't mean the same thing for everyone, not all people hold it to the same standards... I personally don't see that as "things going backwards" but more things progressing forward... I personally would not buy a house before marriage (mainly because I could not put to much towards paying for it), but I would live and did live with my DH before we got married...

the bolded. for me marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper that may give you some extra benefits, ie like health insurance through the military. after being a child of parents who have been through multiple divorces the whole concept of marriage is different to me. it doesn't mean I love my SO more or that I'm more committed to him or that nothing bad will happen. that piece of paper would change nothing for us. well, my health insurance would be free but thats it. we've been content with the way things are with out the marriage. we've been together for several years, we're closing on our 2nd home next week, and have a 3rd child on the way. now thats nto to say we won't ever get married. actually, the topic is coming up way more often these days but it's not our number 1 priority either.

[Midge.T]

I'm with you, OP. I was brought up in a time when getting pregnant before marriage wasn't socially acceptable at all. I can't honestly say how the legalities came into play back then because, for me, it was a focus on morality and not necessarily legalities.

As an adult, my choices stem almost entirely from the legal and my personal emotional aspects. I wouldn't consider going into such a huge commitment as a home or, even bigger, having children until I was certain we could commit our lives to each other through marriage.

I know it's possible to have a life long commitment to someone else without all the hoopla of legally tying the knot, but there's something to be said for tying your lives together legally. Not so much in it's symbolism but in it's function.

I hope that comes across correctly. I sure did use a lot of words.

[Eye]

Originally Posted by sapphiremommy the bolded. for me marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper that may give you some extra benefits, ie like health insurance through the military. after being a child of parents who have been through multiple divorces the whole concept of marriage is different to me. it doesn't mean I love my SO more or that I'm more committed to him or that nothing bad will happen. that piece of paper would change nothing for us. well, my health insurance would be free but thats it. we've been content with the way things are with out the marriage. we've been together for several years, we're closing on our 2nd home next week, and have a 3rd child on the way. now thats nto to say we won't ever get married. actually, the topic is coming up way more often these days but it's not our number 1 priority either.

But why wouldn't you want the benefits of being married?

[Eye]

Originally Posted by Midge.T I'm with you, OP. I was brought up in a time when getting pregnant before marriage wasn't socially acceptable at all. I can't honestly say how the legalities came into play back then because, for me, it was a focus on morality and not necessarily legalities. As an adult, my choices stem almost entirely from the legal and my personal emotional aspects. I wouldn't consider going into such a huge commitment as a home or, even bigger, having children until I was certain we could commit our lives to each other through marriage. I know it's possible to have a life long commitment to someone else without all the hoopla of legally tying the knot, but there's something to be said for tying your lives together legally. Not so much in it's symbolism but in it's function. I hope that comes across correctly. I sure did use a lot of words.

So do you believe that peoples morals have changed?

[sapphiremommy]

Originally Posted by Eye But why wouldn't you want the benefits of being married?

what benefit, besides the insurance that I mentioned, am I missing?