Spin - off of "what would you do?"

[Jayo]

I saw a very common thread in the thread that is it assumed that men are usually the perpetrator in abuse cases. It got me thinking....

Do you think nagging your dh/db/df is verbal abuse? I mean true nagging. As in every night you get pissy about the same stuff and *****/piss/moan about it. ("I always tell you to take out the trash!" "why the hell can't you put down the toliet seat", "you're such a slob!", "you play that video game more than me and I want it to stop!" ect...).

I see alot of vent threads regarding this.


What would you do if your dh/db/df came home and said he was leaving (and if you had children he was taking the kids because of your insistent nagging, ie...verbal abuse?)

[MyFlyBoy]

I couldn't blame him. I do think constantly nagging at someone every day would be considered verbal abuse. Especially if he asked you to stop

[I_luhv_my_marine]

Originally Posted by MyFlyBoy I couldn't blame him. I do think constantly nagging at someone every day would be considered verbal abuse. Especially if he asked you to stop

[Roboto]

Originally Posted by MyFlyBoy I couldn't blame him. I do think constantly nagging at someone every day would be considered verbal abuse. Especially if he asked you to stop

Agreed. But at what point does it "reminding" stop and "abusing" begin? I think that nagging is very subjective. Does that make sense? I don't know how to word what I am trying to say.

[villanelle]

I think anyone who considers nagging to be verbal abuse has probably never experienced real verbal abuse.

Being pushy and annoying is... well, pushy and annoying! But it is not abuse. I can see why someone would even end up leaving a marriage because of it, as I am sure it is unpleasant to constantly be chastized for forgetting a chore or spilling some cereal.

But abuse is an attack of the person, not pestering them about petty stuff. . "You are so stupid you can't even remember something simple like taking out the trash. What an idiot!" "Someone who can't even eat cereal without spilling it is so worthless. You could never find anyone else to put up with someone as stupid and worthless as you are." That's abusive.

"For the 17th time, take out the trash! That is so frustrating; you never remember!" or "I know I told you this 7 times since you touched the milk carton 2 minutes ago to make your cereal, but please remember to put the milk on the left side of the fridge when you are done with it. That is where it goes, not on the right side. I hate it when you put it on the right." is not abusive.

[*MarineBug*]

I wouldn't blame him at all. And I do find that a form of abusive. Just nagging and nagging and nagging

[carmel11725]

ya know, im kinda undecided on this one.

i dont think its technically verbal abuse, b/c its not really degrading and downtalking the person. but if it goes on long enough, im sure it can seem that way to the spouse who is getting nagged at.

i guess it just depends on what is actually being said. nagging is subjective, i guess.
and i dont like the idea of a marriage being walked away from for the reasons of "too much nagging"...that seems like something that is easily fixable through some counseling.

[Ellie]

I think there's a very fine line. "Why didn't you take the trash out?" isn't abuse, "you're such a slob for not taking the trash out! why do you have to be so lazy all the time?" is IMO.

[felifreshh]

Originally Posted by MyFlyBoy I couldn't blame him. I do think constantly nagging at someone every day would be considered verbal abuse. Especially if he asked you to stop

this

[MariaChristine]

Originally Posted by villanelle But abuse is an attack of the person, not pestering them about petty stuff. . "You are so stupid you can't even remember something simple like taking out the trash. What an idiot!" "Someone who can't even eat cereal without spilling it is so worthless. You could never find anyone else to put up with someone as stupid and worthless as you are." That's abusive.

As someone who has survived verbal abuse. Nagging is nothing like it. I was told everyday for 6 months that I was worthless, and dumb and that when I did even the littlest thing that he deemed wrong -- IE: Not being able to get to the phone because I was in class; helping a classmate with homework/projects without approval from the guy, etc, that I was nothing and I was probably doing something else then what I told him and It was because of me, that HIS day was going badly.