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Thread: Are we too "focused on details" with our kids?

  1. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
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    #1

    Are we too "focused on details" with our kids?

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    I'm struggling with the best way to write this out...bare with me.

    I was reading some posts in a few other child-parenting debate threads and I started to wonder if we approach things like "sex education" and "drugs" too specifically for our parenting and guidance against these things to be as benifical as they could be.

    The best way I can figure to explain this is to just give some examples...

    Ok - per Sex Ed: A lot of us talk about it purely as that - sex-ed. And when we talk to our kids about to have sex/not have sex we focus purely on that - the sex-aspect/relationship aspect.

    But, really, shouldn't we focus on the bigger picture - not just that teens have sex and end up in those types of situations but WHY? Why does a teen want to have sex / do drugs / get into mischief?
    For acceptance, to be cool, to feel pretty or attractive, to impress their friends ? (It's different for everyone, actually)

    So, perhaps, the reason why sex-ed / anti-drug classes don't seem to deter teen-sex is because that's all it is, a class about sex, a class against drugs. . . Instead of a class that focuses on the REASONS why teens and others do certain things (those emotional/acceptance/fitting in/being cool things)

    What do you think?

    (does this make any sense? I hope it does)
  2. Mom to Rebekah
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    #2
    Quote Originally Posted by Aunt Sponge View Post
    I'm struggling with the best way to write this out...bare with me.

    I was reading some posts in a few other child-parenting debate threads and I started to wonder if we approach things like "sex education" and "drugs" too specifically for our parenting and guidance against these things to be as benifical as they could be.

    The best way I can figure to explain this is to just give some examples...

    Ok - per Sex Ed: A lot of us talk about it purely as that - sex-ed. And when we talk to our kids about to have sex/not have sex we focus purely on that - the sex-aspect/relationship aspect.

    But, really, shouldn't we focus on the bigger picture - not just that teens have sex and end up in those types of situations but WHY? Why does a teen want to have sex / do drugs / get into mischief?
    For acceptance, to be cool, to feel pretty or attractive, to impress their friends ? (It's different for everyone, actually)

    So, perhaps, the reason why sex-ed / anti-drug classes don't seem to deter teen-sex is because that's all it is, a class about sex, a class against drugs. . . Instead of a class that focuses on the REASONS why teens and others do certain things (those emotional/acceptance/fitting in/being cool things)

    What do you think?


    (does this make any sense? I hope it does)
    Makes perfect sense to me, and I fully agree with you.

    We (as a whole) are not addressing the right issues when it comes to
    teens, IMO there should be more focus on the "why" and not so much
    on the "how" if you will
    Mom to Rebekah
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    For you and I are sons of one religion, and it is the spirit.
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  3. Senior Member
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    #3
    It's like treating the symptom but not the cause. I totally agree.
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    #4
    I understand what you are getting at. I agree sometimes sex ed gets all technical and we don't concentrate on the emotional aspect of it.
  5. Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta
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    #5
    it makes sense. i think there is a need for both. i think kids need to be educated on the technical aspects (healthy, anatomy, etc) of these things, but the "whys" are too far-spread to have a class on them. maybe a class that focuses on general decision-making or self-esteem. but these things tend to fall more in the parents' laps than the schools. yes, it should definitely be addressed, but i'm not sure i have an answer as to HOW they should be addressed.
    Last edited by jamiev; 03-02-2009 at 06:38 AM.
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    #6
    I agree with you... however I know for me at least, I was given the whole big picture idea behind the whys.. the emotional aspect and all... and I plan on doing that with my own daughter.

    My mom has always been amazing about things such as sex and drugs, and my school had excellent sex ed classes (although not for LONG enough) that made sure there was an emphasis on more than just condoms and abstinence. I was in a good school district though that tried very hard to work with students in feeling accepted without having to do anything they didn't want to or shouldn't have to. It wasn't quite as good on the drug discussion as it was on the sex discussion... but it was still good.

    I wish everyone could have at minimum what my school district had and could have a parent/adult role model in their life like my mom was. There were still be teenagers who do drugs and have unsafe sex of course, but if there was a more in depth learning and understanding for the whys and the emotions and the growing up and fitting in bit... it would be much improved I think.
  7. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #7
    I agree with you. We preach actions and consequences.... but usually neglect to mention the circumstances surrounding them.

    Sex ed is fine and dandy and all.......

    But I'd much rather focus on building confidence and self-esteem in my kids... making sure that we have an open, healthy relationship where they know they can come to me if they need ANYTHING.

    I'm a firm believer that if you set a strong foundation, that everything else will follow along naturally.

    Good post, Sponge!
  8. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
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    #8
    Good - I spent such a long time re-writing the OP I didn't know if it made any sense!

    I'll definitely keep these things in mind with my kids as they get older and hope that it helps out more. It's not so much having to take the time to sit down and talk about one subject a few times - but constant encouragement and support in not giving into pressure, etc. Because at school they'll be tempted and pressured all the time, not just once or twice a year.

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