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Thread: Anyone else have this problem?

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    miss rachel's Avatar
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    #1

    Anyone else have this problem?

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    When Dylan goes to DLI in a couple months (most likely), he will be making about 2500 dollars more a month than me. This is assuming that I am working full-time. He just makes WAY more than me as an officer.

    And it bothers me. I want to feel like I am contributing to rent, food, furniture, etc... and with his BAH... I will literally have to pay for nothing. And he keeps telling me so. And I HATE it. I don't want to be taken care of in this sense.

    I feel so lazy and... useless with this situation.

    Am I the only one who feels like this?

    (Please don't flame me. This is a serious issue for me.)
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    #2
    No But I see what you mean, yeah. Maybe if I was atually in that situation, then I would feel the same way too
  3. I'm from the south and sometimes I have a big mouth
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    #3
    J has always made more than me and always will. It used to bother me but I contribute in other ways so I guess it evens out.
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    #4
    Without you as his wife, he wouldn't get that amount of BAH, so that is more money you are contributing.
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    #5
    I felt this way with Mike and it actually really affected our relationship because of his attitude toward money.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by grrrjennigrrr View Post
    Without you as his wife, he wouldn't get that amount of BAH, so that is more money you are contributing.
    I don't know how much they get there but I know that Mike gets around 1400 dollars a month in BAH unmarried. You don't have to be married to get BAH.
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    #7
    Nope...because until my DH became an Officer, I always made more money than him. Now instead of a high paced, stressful job where I can make the big bucks, I do what I WANT and LOVE, and my money is all gravy any way.
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    #8
    I think it depends on how the two of you deal with money. If he's hanging it over your head, that doesn't seem right. It's not like you're not contributing at all though, right?

    I make more money than S, but I don't think I would mind if he made more. We're very egalitarian about the whole thing. What's mine is yours and what not. I could see how it could bother you, though, if you're very independent.
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    #9
    I'm not in that situation right now, but depending on what may happen with an upcoming PCS, I may be leaving behind my successful career and ability to contribute equally to the household finances. This is a HUGE issue for me. I love that we split everything and have financial equality. I am not "kept woman" material, and that is how I would perceive my own situation. It would be a severe hit to my self esteem and identity.

    Maybe you can contribute 1/2 the rent and have him put that money into a joint savings account or something?
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    #10
    Sometimes... I don't work - just school, and sometimes I feel really bad when we're having money troubles. Like, well, maybe if I had a job it wouldn't be that bad, kwim? Even though we talked about it a LOT before we got married and that I wouldn't work until I was done with school unless I wanted to, and I know HE doesn't feel that way, I still feel bad sometimes.
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