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Thread: Who's parent gets the say so (Sahm vs working dad, etc)

  1. Darkly Dreaming Dexter
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    #1

    Who's parent gets the say so (Sahm vs working dad, etc)

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    This is interesting and from my sister's family.

    So my BIL and I were talking the other day about parenting decisions - who's decision do they go with when they've a difference of opinion.
    He said "She always has the say, she stays home with the kids more often than I do so that just makes sense"
    Well - it's no big secret that my sister's a manipulative brat and bosses him around. They're a VERY dominant/submissive couple and I don't think I've ever heard him assert his opinion in the 15+ years they've been a couple.

    How's it with you when it comes to comprimising? Does one ALWAYS have the say because they're with the children more often? Or is there more of a balance?
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    #2
    With us, it depends on the situation. Sometimes, it's my input but my husband is the one to deal with the kids because at that moment in time they may be more open to listening to him than to me. Sometimes, we just deal with things one at a time, sometimes we deal with it together.

    Regardless- we always back each other when it comes to the kids, and if there's a disagreement we handle it privately between the two of us. Our kids don't pit mom against dad or get us to take sides. They tried that once and it didn't turn out well for them.
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    #3
    Dh and I try to compromise even though I stay at home. However, even if he disagrees with me on something he will back me up but I will back him up, too when he dishes out the punishment. I tend to be a little more of the pushover when it comes to the kids and he is not but he is not mean, just stern.
    I guess my point is that we are BOTH the parents and we both have a say.
  4. Cookie Queen
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    #4
    It just depends on the situation and who has a more valid point to make. We compromise a lot, both ways.
  5. Loving my soldier since '96
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    #5
    Depends on the situation. For the most part, I will make the final decision because I am home with them more. His feedback is important in any decision we make but I am always told...Sweetheart, You're the boss,.
    (Disclaimer: The following information is coming from a Army wife who doesn't actually know any specifics 100%. Often told to her by husband or other wise ones. Though, they all will admit that at times they dont know the specifics neither. The information received should be considered unstable and possibly flammable. Do not disseminate. )
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    #6
    usually we try to compromise, but if we can't I usually have the say so because I stay home with her all day and I know what certain things can cause...
    for example, if she asks for kool-aid and it's getting late... daddy thinks it's no big deal, but I'm the one who has to put her to bed and sugar is not going to help me in any way, so I would definately win there.
    Katie- Mommy to Kylee 10-30-05 (loving big sister, Ms. independent, intelligent, princess) and Auriana 09-17-08 (miracle baby with down syndrome, heart defects, hearing impairment, digestive problems, tube fed since birth, but determined to succeed, strong, loving, happy)

    Ask me about Congenital Heart Defects... 1 in 100, it could be your child...

    Ask me about Down Syndrome... more common than you think...

    Wife to a Disabled Army Veteran... been there, done that, moving on
  7. Community Leader
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Theresa View Post
    It just depends on the situation and who has a more valid point to make. We compromise a lot, both ways.
    Same here. We usually agree though, honestly.


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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by eelo View Post
    With us, it depends on the situation. Sometimes, it's my input but my husband is the one to deal with the kids because at that moment in time they may be more open to listening to him than to me. Sometimes, we just deal with things one at a time, sometimes we deal with it together.

    Regardless- we always back each other when it comes to the kids, and if there's a disagreement we handle it privately between the two of us. Our kids don't pit mom against dad or get us to take sides. They tried that once and it didn't turn out well for them.
    It's situational here also. It depends on if something has gone on that would prompt them to ask me versus Jason (like if Jason witnessed a behavior that I didn't or if they are asking me just b/c they know I am softer ) so it varies but we always back each other. Jason tends to be VERY stern though, too stern sometimes, IMO. So, a lot of times I will follow up with him about it and try to ease him up a little but I try not to do it in front of the kids unless I feel like he's being outrageous about something. (I know, it's not good to do ever ) He is MAJOR OCD, control freak, etc so sometimes I have to gently remind him that they are just babies and it's okay to say yes to them
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    #9
    We always discuss any decisions and almost always agree on how it should be handled. DH and I have almost the exact same parenting style anyway, so it usually makes it easy to agree. If it really comes down to it, DH usually lets me have the final word, because he trusts that I usually know what's best when it comes to our son.
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    #10
    We always tried to compromise whenever possible.
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