Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: Do It Yourself Funeral?

  1. Joy
    Banned
    Joy's Avatar
    Joy is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Posts
    11,011
    #1

    Question Do It Yourself Funeral?

    Advertisements
    Topic idea came from

    http://www.walletpop.com/2008/06/10/...259x1200157325


    Do you think that it's a good idea? Morbid? Takes away from the ones left behinds grieving process? I know that helping plan the funeral arrangements helps some, and not others... So what are your thoughts?
  2. Senior Member
    TheBryTree's Avatar
    TheBryTree is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Location
    here and there
    Posts
    23,515
    Blog Entries
    1
    #2
    I think it can be a great idea for those who are facing their own death because of some sort of disease/illness. What a great way to come to terms with everything. I think that for myself it would be useful if I were ever in that position.
    I also think it would be an excellent idea for those who fear their family wouldn't be able to handle the stress of planning the funeral on top of losing a loved one. I know that for myself, I would have a VERY difficult time trying to make all those decisions myself when trying to deal with the loss of a close loved one. I would have a hard time trying to balance being strong and on top of things and wanting to just fall over and cry and not think at all for a bit.

    No, I don't think it is morbid. I don't think DEATH is morbid. death is a fact of life, something we will ALL have to deal with at one point or another. We all lose pets and family members, and we will all die someday. I think that as a society, we have made a normal issue into something so much larger than it is. Yes, death is DAMN hard. I know I don't really want to think about my own, or my husbands or anyones really.... but death is not a bad thing. And for those that WANT to face their own, I say MORE POWER TO THEM.

    As for those who will feel like part of the grieving process was taken away from them... I DO feel that this sort of thing should be something that everyone talks about. I wouldn't plan my own funeral without asking my family how they feel about that... for all I know, they might WANT to plan it. Maybe they will want to HELP me NOW so that they don't have to deal with it later... maybe they WANT me to do it all for them. I don't know, so that would be something I would consult them on.

    but yes, I DO think that is a great idea for the right people.
  3. Senior Member
    kittieb's Avatar
    kittieb is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Hickam AFB
    Posts
    5,342
    #3
    I don't think I'd be able to do it for others but for myself that would really make me feel more at ease that things will be taken care of the way I had hoped.
  4. Banned
    Miss B Hav'n's Avatar
    Miss B Hav'n is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    Inducky :-)
    Posts
    11,120
    #4
    I think it is a great idea. So many times people are unaware of what their loved one's wishes are and for many the process of planning things is just too overwhelming during the time immediately following a loss. My father had very specific wishes and it was nice to be able to honor those for him - some were things we would not have thought of.
    Last edited by Miss B Hav'n; 06-11-2008 at 08:35 AM.
  5. Community Leader
    LaneyBug's Avatar
    LaneyBug is offline
    Community Leader
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Newport News, VA
    Posts
    9,241
    Blog Entries
    3
    #5
    I think it depends on your family. If you know planning your funeral isn't something they could take, or would help them, then having some ideas might be good.
    My friend that was killed last year, his wife had a hard time figuring things out, and she left some decisions up to other members of the family because she had so many details to work out. I felt badly that they'd never talked about it, and she was clueless as to what he would want.
    DH and I have talked about it, morbid as it may be, but I feel comfortable knowing what his wishes are, and I wouldn't need him to plan it for me. In fact, for me, planning his would be therapeutic. So, I wouldn't want him to plan it. Hmm, this is interesting.


  6. Banned
    *Cassie*'s Avatar
    *Cassie* is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Sep 2007
    Posts
    11,368
    #6
    my dad knew he was dying and he did plan out his own funeral just to make it easier on everyone. I remember coming home for Christmas break and him calling me down to the office/computer room. It was a purple disk and he said, "If anything happens to me, everything you do is on this disk." When your dad dies, trust me, the less you have to plan the better. I had to be the strong one and I was only 18. My mom was a wreck even though it was expected. So yes, I do think DIY funerals are very helpful.
  7. Senior Member
    navywifeplus3's Avatar
    navywifeplus3 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Kings Bay
    Posts
    3,190
    #7
    When my FIL died (dh bio dad) I remember how devistating it was on the boys (dh and his brothers) to have to plan the funeral. My SIL and I pretty much planned it, the boys just went through the motions of agreeing. I remember when we were at the cemetary, choosing the plot, they just walked off over to where their Grandma (someone they were extremely close to) was buried. SIL and I ultimately chose the plot, which was adjacent to FIL's parents. When we were in the room looking at casket samples (they just had a block of the stone it was made of and a sample of material inside, with a pic of completed casket), the boys just refused to look at them. They kept walking out when we were going over details, etc. They were grieving so hard, they couldn't contemplate such decisions. It was heartbreaking to watch those boys got through that. I am quite thankful that my MIL and FIL (dh's step-dad) have preplanned their funerals, all we will have to do is sign the paperwork, because I just don't know that DH could sit through that again. I think for many people, especially those who have had to sit through a funeral planning while grieving, feel preplanning is a way to alleviate some of the burden for their families when the inevitable happens.
    "What's so good about good-bye? It is good to be reminded that life is brief, at best, with no dress rehearsals, and the seasons we are privileged to share together are even more fleeting. Good-bye is good if it teaches us to cherish the life and breath, strength and sound mind, and the moments we are allowed to walk side by side with a friend. Good-bye is good if, in that difficult moment, we stand still long enough to give thanks to God for the lessons we've learned together, the love given, and the love received, recognizing that these are gifts from the hand of God." ~Marshele Carter Waddell
  8. Senior Member
    navywifeplus3's Avatar
    navywifeplus3 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Kings Bay
    Posts
    3,190
    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by LaneyBug View Post
    I think it depends on your family. If you know planning your funeral isn't something they could take, or would help them, then having some ideas might be good.
    My friend that was killed last year, his wife had a hard time figuring things out, and she left some decisions up to other members of the family because she had so many details to work out. I felt badly that they'd never talked about it, and she was clueless as to what he would want.
    DH and I have talked about it, morbid as it may be, but I feel comfortable knowing what his wishes are, and I wouldn't need him to plan it for me. In fact, for me, planning his would be therapeutic. So, I wouldn't want him to plan it. Hmm, this is interesting.
    Dh and I have talked about it as well. When his cousin *K* and 2 of his children were murdered by the cousin's MIL, our own mortality slapped us in the face pretty quickly. *K* was just 3 years older than DH so it was quite an eye opener for us. As morbid as it sounds, it is better to at least discuss part of it, like cremation versus burial. If cremation is wanted, what does that person want you to do with their ashes. If burial is preferred, where do they want to be buried. Those are two of the hardest decisions to make right there, how and where to lay them to rest, especially if you did not know the person's wishes beforehand.
    "What's so good about good-bye? It is good to be reminded that life is brief, at best, with no dress rehearsals, and the seasons we are privileged to share together are even more fleeting. Good-bye is good if it teaches us to cherish the life and breath, strength and sound mind, and the moments we are allowed to walk side by side with a friend. Good-bye is good if, in that difficult moment, we stand still long enough to give thanks to God for the lessons we've learned together, the love given, and the love received, recognizing that these are gifts from the hand of God." ~Marshele Carter Waddell
  9. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Amanda's Avatar
    Amanda is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    11,941
    #9
    I think it's a great idea! I think it makes it easier on the family and friends left behind. While grieving it's a hard process to go through while the pain is so fresh and it's so real to talk about plots, and caskets, funerals, visitations.
    I am down 10lbs in 6 days!!! PM me if you want to try your very own FREE sample!!!!
  10. He's my popeye, but I'mnoOliveOyl!
    ImNoOliveOyl's Avatar
    ImNoOliveOyl is offline
    He's my popeye, but I'mnoOliveOyl!
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    33,644
    #10
    I think it's a great idea. This way a person already knows what they're getting, they choose what they want and save the family from having to make all those decisions while grieving. I don't think it's morbid at all.. we're all going to die eventually.

    Well, I'm what I am and I'm what I'm not
    and I'm sure happy with what Iíve got
    I live to love and laugh alot
    and thatís all I need




Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •