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Thread: Abusive Relatives

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    #1

    Abusive Relatives

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    Would you stay in contact or leave beloved family members (be they pets or children) in the care of a relative that has been physically abusive to you? How would your SO handle their family members if one was physically abusive toward you? Would you still be going to Thanksgiving dinner at their house because your SO has genes in common? What if the abusive relative was on YOUR side of the family? Would contact continue?
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    #2
    I would not stay in contact with someone who was physically abusive to me. Hell, I don't even stay in contact with people who abuse my horse!

    DF would handle the situation if any of his relatives were abusive. He would cut ties if it came down to it.

    I would not go to their house for ANY reason.

    Contact does NOT continue on my side of the family with certain relatives because of past abuse.

    I don't know why people tolerate it e
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    #3
    NO.
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    #4
    Neither of us will contact abusive relatives. Not even emotional/verbal abusers are worth our time and energy. We always just figured they could go to hell.

    I don't get why people stay in contact with abusers just because they have genes in common. Never will.
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    #5
    I think it is hard to break ties with them. I know we are getting to the point of verbal accusations from DH parents. They struggle with cutting of the apron strings.

    If myself or my child would get hurt by someone, there would be no contact UNLESS it was at a church setting or a very public one. My DH would have to make the decision regarding himself.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
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    #6
    An accident of DNA is no reason to keep in contact with people who are abusive or feel like they can get away with pulling shit because you're "family."

    I've cut ties with most of my family (on both parents sides) because of all sorts of fuckery. I don't deal with it, I don't overlook it, I refuse to allow it in my life. True family are those people who love you and want the best for you regardless of blood.

    So, when/if I get married I'm inviting friends, not family, to the wedding. As far as I'm concerned no one in my family beyond my parents (and that's a stretch for me, too...) has any right to any part of my life and none of them will know if I marry or have children. As far as I'm concerned they don't exist and for all intents and purposes I may as well be dead to them.
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    #7
    I am thinking no. I know that Adam's step-father was abusive to him and when he gets out or prison we will have no contact with him and little to no contact with his mom if she stays married to him (definitely no contact with her while she is physically with him). Adam has forgiven him, but he is someone we choose not to have in our lives.
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    #8
    I cut off all contact with my grandmother after almost ten years of constant sexual abuse.

    I did make it a point to attend her funeral and help pay for the arrangements, though. She was still a person, and still my blood.


    Leaving your child in the care of a person who is a proven abuser is like....abuse? So no, I wouldn't.
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    #9
    No.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by MIKOSWIFEY View Post
    Would you stay in contact or leave beloved family members (be they pets or children) in the care of a relative that has been physically abusive to you? How would your SO handle their family members if one was physically abusive toward you? Would you still be going to Thanksgiving dinner at their house because your SO has genes in common? What if the abusive relative was on YOUR side of the family? Would contact continue?

    Stay in contact?? Not sure, maybe from afar like through other family members...but definitely not any physical contact with them, and that is more with my side of the family rather than dh's.

    I would never leave my children or any animal in the care of anyone who has a history of being abusive..whether to me or anyone else.

    I would like to think that my dh would handle any family member who was abusive to me in a manner befitting what was done...meaning not having me or our kids have any physical contact with them...I would also hope that he would not look the other way and be very verbal about his feelings on what that person did. I CAN NOT and WILL NOT ask him to cut all ties with that family member...that will be a choice he makes on his own, just as long as he understands that me or our children WILL NOT have any contact.
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