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Thread: Cheating's cheating?

  1. I'm living my life like it's golden!
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    #1

    Cheating's cheating?

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    The poll about if phone sex's cheating, the poll could you forgive your so for cheating and the poll if it's cheating or expressing yourself just make me think and also wonder!
    I'm trying to understand a few things and I'm more than glad to get some answeres from all of you and different inputs about it which could help me to understand things much better!
    I'm also a little bit confused about the whole cheating topic and to me certain things don't add up nor make any sense, but I guess that has to do with my old fashioned way to look at a commitment in a marriage/relationship!

    Why's it that people're making differences between cheating and cheating or what's cheating and what's not?
    I know this question might sound stupid to some of you, but it's a serious question from me!
    We all do know there's the physical cheating and the mental cheating and in the end of the day no matter if it's physical or mental, it's cheating!
    Ok, I got that part, but how can some people be commited in a exclusive marriage/relationship and get along with it when their better half's mentally cheating on them and does things like phone sex, chatting and flirting online or cyber sex with others and outside of this marriage/relationship and commitment, but on the other hand've serious issues with it if something phsycial would happen?

    How should anybody know if those things wouldn't lead to the physical cheating in the long time run or make it easier to get there since it's not a issue for the mental cheating to take place?

    And after all even it's not physical cheating to do those things named above, it's lusting, desiring, fantasizing, sexual action and some kind of relationship with others and outside of the marriage/relationship and commitment and it's still cheating!

    It's probably not as easy and simple as it sounds like and far from what I know or think I know, but that's why I'm asking and why I'm curious to find out's cheating cheating or what's the point?

    I'm not judging anybody or look down on anybody just cause they're not looking at commitment in a marriage/relationship as old fashioned as I'm, cause I believe everybody should do what floats their boat and do what makes them happy!
    I know we're all different and we do and like different things and deal with things in different ways, but yet still to know all that doesn't answere any of my questions!

    Just for me, myself and I when it comes to the topic cheating, I'm very, very strict and there're no but's or if's or differences in any things or ways and no freaking excuses about it and I neither tolerate nor accept for the person I'm with to step out to be with others in any sexual way - no matter if they're mental or physical period!
    Exclusiv and commitment means for me it's me and that other person only always!

    I know there're some of you who'll agree with me, my thoughts, my way to see things and my old fashioned view and opinion about cheating and commitment, I also know there're some of you who think I'm crazy, selfish and probably also stupid for being so strict and for not leaving my man any freedom like that to get out of the relationship we do share!
    But on the other hand it goes vice versa when it comes to me, too and not that I would know of he has any problem with it nor I do!

    I don't look for turning this thread here I wrote into a argument or discussion or any attack between the different opinions and views when it comes to this topic - I just wanted to write down what I wondered about and see if some 1 can help me understanding what I don't?
    Regards and much love!
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    #2
    I don't think there is a clear answer to your question
    For me I always thought the cheating = goodbye
    but I recently found out that db cheated on me at the beginning of our relationship
    over a year and a half ago via phone sex
    It was devastating
    He wanted to be honest with me
    I love him, I plan on spending the rest of my life with him
    and this hasnt changed that, it hurts sooo bad
    He is willing to work to earn back my trust
    I love him but he a lot of work to do
    All of this the week before he leaves for
    bootcamp

    plus he gave me a claddagh promise ring pledging friendship, love, and fidelity
    he wants to marry me,
    he plans on us being married by the time we're 22

    Cheating is never acceptable!
    but it is forgivable in my book
    But He gets one more chance
    this ever happens again
    I will walk away and never look back

    I think that dealing with cheating is determined by the individuals and the circumstances
    it has to be right for the people involved
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  3. DvlDogGal104
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    #3
    I think this is a difficult topic and is one that is kind of based on standards each couple sets for the relationship. Some people find certain things acceptable, others don't. Some will take a cheater back, other's won't. I believe it really depends on what each couple expects from the relationship.
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    #4
    Because everyone has a different definition of what is cheating and where the line is.
    Some on this board consider masturbation cheating and some consider it a necessity for survival during deployments.
    Some consider going to strip clubs cheating, some love going with their SO's and sometimes without.
    Some consider swinging not to be cheating so long as everyone follows certain rules.

    It would be nice to say "cheating is cheating."
    I think the closest to a common answer has been "If you wouldn't want your SO to be doing it, then it is cheating if you do it." whatever that "It" may be.
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by guynavywife View Post
    Because everyone has a different definition of what is cheating and where the line is.
    Some on this board consider masturbation cheating and some consider it a necessity for survival during deployments.Some consider going to strip clubs cheating, some love going with their SO's and sometimes without.
    Some consider swinging not to be cheating so long as everyone follows certain rules.

    It would be nice to say "cheating is cheating."
    I think the closest to a common answer has been "If you wouldn't want your SO to be doing it, then it is cheating if you do it." whatever that "It" may be.
    UM what?!! i have never heard that masturbation could be cheating! this would be a first for me.
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by Cassaundra View Post
    UM what?!! i have never heard that masturbation could be cheating! this would be a first for me.
    well if masturbation is cheating than i might as well kiss my rlationship goodbye
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by Cassaundra View Post
    UM what?!! i have never heard that masturbation could be cheating! this would be a first for me.
    Biblically it is cheating. But hell, imaging Brad Pitt naked and shaking his ass before you is also considered the same as cheating. So, I could see how some people would go along with it if they are very religious.
  8. MilitarySOS Jewel
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by brandewijn View Post
    Biblically it is cheating. But hell, imaging Brad Pitt naked and shaking his ass before you is also considered the same as cheating. So, I could see how some people would go along with it if they are very religious.
    We had this discussion before..

    The bible never says masturbation is cheating.

    The one verse where it is mentioned says not to "spill seed" and that is because the guy in the story was SUPPOSED to be impregnating someone and tried to get out of it. Someone with a bible in their house can supply the exact verse and context, I'm sure...it's been a few years since I read the bible through.
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    #9
    It's a different definition for everybody. In college we would ask other couples what THEIR definition was out of curiosity. It's an interesting topic, and it's ok to ask.


    One guy said "the second you start feeling guilty, you're cheating"
    My DF says "willing pursuing a relationship with another person"

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