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Thread: Would you want to know?

  1. fridaynightgirl
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    Neutral Would you want to know?

    I put this in here because it is a very sensitive issue.

    As you know, I had some devastating news yesterday. My brother tried to reassure me last night by saying that he presented a complete work of fiction and, in reality, the "relationship" was a figment of my imagination. (I know that sounds harsh but that was not his intent.)

    He echoed my assertion that there was no way I could have known. It's not like he grew up in this area and I could ask around about him and he's been gone 15 months.

    So here's my problem. Should I try and contact his wife? On one hand, I think she has a right to know who she's sleeping with.

    On the other hand, what if they have children? I can deal with the fact that his words to me were just that - words, not based on reality. But what if he's woven her a similiar tale? That for 15 months he was totally committed to her and no other? That his love for her was complete and never-ending?

    I think how I would feel if the situation were reversed. Would I really want to know that, during my husband's deployment he talked to a girl and presented himself as a single man? Would I really want to unravel hopes, plans and dreams for the future? Would I want that trust forever altered? Over words?

    It's over and done. I will never contact him again. For the past 15 months, it has been in words only; never deeds. So, you could argue that he's home now and his fidelity is probably restored. Let her keep her illusions.

    I have resolved to do nothing until my own feelings about this event cool and I feel at peace again. I have also resolved to give him an opportunity to present his side of the story. I am not expecting that to happen; I was nothing more than World of Warcraft to him; a fantasy world that he created. He could present to be anything he wanted and it was his world to play with. You don't write WoW and explain that your wife/husband feels neglected and you should not have committed so much time and energy into a fantasy anyway; you just cancel the subscription.

    In a twist of irony, I realized yesterday afternoon that I was his fridaynightgirl. In every sense of the word. I lose nothing because he had nothing to give me. It all belonged to his wife.

    So, I guess the question remains - would YOU want to know?
  2. Senior Member
    RunAwayLove's Avatar
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    Jul 2007
    i would want to know honestly if i was his wife and he had a whole nother secret life i would need to know or she living a fake life too kwim?

  3. Community Leader
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    If I was the wife, yes, I would want to know.

    I'm so sorry Sweetie! There are some really "special" people out there.

  4. Senior Member
    Berkley's Avatar
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    Pope AFB, NC
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    Yes if I was the wife I would want to know
  5. Im crazy, the good kind
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    Im crazy, the good kind
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    Sep 2007

    first off I want to commend you on how mature and rational you are being...I know a lot of women who would have marched right to his wife and screamed at her that her husband is a lying CHEATING bastard...which doesn't solve much except getting your anger out at the moment so I think you are an amazing amazing woman...

    Secondly...I can't say how I would feel if i was a wife...I can only speak like a girlfriend and in that case if that was going on...yes I would definitely want to know...without a doubt...

    I think that things can be very different if I was the wife, and this happened so I can't speak from that point of view...

    This happened to me 2 years ago...but I was the other woman...It was a very rough patch in my life, and i always wanted to tell the girlfriend...I didn't, I kept it to myself and I never regretted it. I am a firm firm believer in Karma...I really feel that what goes around comes around...maybe not this year but maybe 10, or 15 years down the road. I believe that everyone gets what they deserve...So with that being sad, I believe that you really need to follow your need to decide what to do, and I really believe whatever you decide will be the best decision.

    Again, I am very sorry that this happened to are continuoly in my prayers and thoughts...I hope I answered your question.
  6. Always n Forever
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    I think it depends. It was an emotional relationship..sometimes, that is WORSE than a physical one! I know that from experience I would like to think that I would want to know..but probably not. You do whatever YOU have to do to make yourself better and to move on.
  7. Senior Member
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    As the wife who has been there, I wish someone would have told me I am so sorry sweetie! I'm logging into yahoo if ya need to talk!
  8. Senior Member
    Sarah982's Avatar
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    I think you should tell her. I would contact her and let her know what's going on and maybe have some "evidence" together and let her know that you are willing to send it to her if she would like. But be prepared for her not to believe you! If she doesn't believe you it's not your responsibility to make her see the truth, but I think you should at least give her the opportunity!
  9. Senior Member
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    As a wife I would want to know for sure. I believe strongly that marriages are built on trust and honesty. He has not given his wife, or you for that matter, either of these things. Whether you tell her or not is ultimately your decision, but I think you are being very rational about all of it and I admire you for it. I know that I have a friend, more like and acquaintance, and I know that her husband cheated on her. My hubby found out from him and I found out from DH. But I believe that really he should be the one to tell her and not me, especially since they have a little girl. But that situation might be a bit different....

    Either way stay strong and you are doing great.
  10. Banned
    lovemachine's Avatar
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    I think you should talk to him!!! I think HE should tell her....and if he isn't willing to then you tell him that you are going to tell her...

    From what I guys have been in a relationship for about 3 years correct? So he has kept up this charade for a long time....and to me even an emotional relationship like you two had while he was deployed is still cheating....

    I am a little did you find out he was long has he been married....

    I am so sorry you are going through this...but you are handling it VERY are such a strong person!!!
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