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Thread: Wife vs. Girlfriend

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    kiwijus's Avatar
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    #1

    Wife vs. Girlfriend

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    I've kind of seen a lot of this lately, the usual "Why can't girlfriends go to family support groups/shop at the commissary/use tricare/make appointments for DB/contact DB on deployment" questions. I can see this getting heated, but here's my thing.

    "Girlfriend" is traditionally a "young" term. To the military, it's a phrase that has long meant:

    1.) I'm away from my wife, but you're not supposed to know I'm married (beside the fact you're paying me to be), and this is my "girlfriend"

    or

    2.) This is the love of my life while I'm at this port/base/post because I'm single and military, so I change girls when I PCS.

    So for the military, the word "Girlfriend" is defined as: a temporary partner.
    I can see why the military doesn't get involved with girlfriends, because love is a very fickle thing, and relationships come and die out and come again. If you let the girlfriends who think they're in it to get married come to these meetings and use these resources, you have to let the girls who pretend to think it, and everyone else.

    The basic question to the military is: If he loves you that much, why aren't you married?

    As a girlfriend, I understood that. As a fiancee, I got very VERY little more respect. When we got married, the military noticed me. When we stayed married for more than 6 months, they cared (a little) about my opinion in the matter. As in, "Oh good, he's married. Ask his wife to send in cookies when we send him out to the field for his birthday, her birthday, and their wedding anniversary again this year."

    It's just one of the standards of military. Like deployments or anything else. He's a career man, you're just along for the ride, and until you're married, they will firmly expect you to find support somewhere else, on someone else's budget, even if you CAN produce 17+ sparkling examples of girlfriends who MIGHT become wives someday. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying figure it out. No matter how much people get upset about it, it remains the same. Deal with it.

    Thoughts?
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    #2
    I don't expect anything from the military as a gf...I understand where they are coming from and my personal choices for not being married yet are that I have a job with a contract until next spring and when I get married I want to live with my hubby...Db constantly tells me how much easier it would be if we are married...and I understand that...but as far as getting anything from the military ($ wise etc.) I am not too interested because yes I am just his girlfriend...
    I however don't agree that just because you are married you have a stronger relationship or love each other anymore...because I love DB with all my heart and will spend the rest of my life with him....
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    #3
    I agree with everything you just wrote.......you get from me
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    #4
    you said it very well !!
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    #5
    All those 'Benefits' you listed are solely tied to being a dependent of a military member. Fact is, Girlfriends are NOT a dependent of a military member. Yes, they provide support to that military member, but they are NOT legally family.

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    #6
    I understand why girlfriends want more, but also see the military's point of view. Also in a civilian status a girlfriend is not able to be added onto insurance either, its a privilege of being married. I understand the FRG stuff a little too. The world girlfriend can just be so temporary.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by parkwoodmom View Post
    All those 'Benefits' you listed are solely tied to being a dependent of a military member. Fact is, Girlfriends are NOT a dependent of a military member. Yes, they provide support to that military member, but they are NOT legally family.
    Quote Originally Posted by BubMunkeyBles View Post
    I understand why girlfriends want more, but also see the military's point of view. Also in a civilian status a girlfriend is not able to be added onto insurance either, its a privilege of being married. I understand the FRG stuff a little too. The world girlfriend can just be so temporary.
    Totally agree.
    "Obstinacy is a fault of temperament. Stubbornness and Intolerance of contradiction result from a special kind of Egotism, which elevates above everything else the pleasure of its own autonomous intellect, to which others must bow.: Carl von Clausewitz
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by BubMunkeyBles View Post
    I understand why girlfriends want more, but also see the military's point of view. Also in a civilian status a girlfriend is not able to be added onto insurance either, its a privilege of being married. I understand the FRG stuff a little too. The world girlfriend can just be so temporary.
    I agree with this...but i think now in this day and age marriages are just as temporary...and for some of us...marriage isn't the be all end all...Im 26 and I don't see myself getting married for another 2--3 years....Imo there is no need to rush something like that
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by kiwijus View Post
    I've kind of seen a lot of this lately, the usual "Why can't girlfriends go to family support groups/shop at the commissary/use tricare/make appointments for DB/contact DB on deployment" questions. I can see this getting heated, but here's my thing.

    "Girlfriend" is traditionally a "young" term. To the military, it's a phrase that has long meant:

    1.) I'm away from my wife, but you're not supposed to know I'm married (beside the fact you're paying me to be), and this is my "girlfriend"

    or

    2.) This is the love of my life while I'm at this port/base/post because I'm single and military, so I change girls when I PCS.

    So for the military, the word "Girlfriend" is defined as: a temporary partner.
    I can see why the military doesn't get involved with girlfriends, because love is a very fickle thing, and relationships come and die out and come again. If you let the girlfriends who think they're in it to get married come to these meetings and use these resources, you have to let the girls who pretend to think it, and everyone else.

    The basic question to the military is: If he loves you that much, why aren't you married?

    As a girlfriend, I understood that. As a fiancee, I got very VERY little more respect. When we got married, the military noticed me. When we stayed married for more than 6 months, they cared (a little) about my opinion in the matter. As in, "Oh good, he's married. Ask his wife to send in cookies when we send him out to the field for his birthday, her birthday, and their wedding anniversary again this year."

    It's just one of the standards of military. Like deployments or anything else. He's a career man, you're just along for the ride, and until you're married, they will firmly expect you to find support somewhere else, on someone else's budget, even if you CAN produce 17+ sparkling examples of girlfriends who MIGHT become wives someday. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying figure it out. No matter how much people get upset about it, it remains the same. Deal with it.

    Thoughts?
    Quote Originally Posted by parkwoodmom View Post
    All those 'Benefits' you listed are solely tied to being a dependent of a military member. Fact is, Girlfriends are NOT a dependent of a military member. Yes, they provide support to that military member, but they are NOT legally family.
    I agree with all of this.


    The fact is girlfriends come and go. Wives cannot just up and leave without any strings being attached, girlfriends can. There would be a ton of abuse of the system if g/f's were given benefits... it would be a huge mess.
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    #10
    I'm a girlfriend and I completely agree with you!! If the military was to open there arms and readily accept GF's for things that only dependents should get (such as insurance, base privilges, and houseing) there are just to many opportunists that would bleed the Military dry!!
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