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Thread: Bite uncle on arm, get whacked in head

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    #1

    Bite uncle on arm, get whacked in head

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    Dear Prudie,
    During a visit with my brother-in-law's family, I was sitting at the table chatting when my 3-year-old nephew ran up, screamed, "I am a dragon," and bit my arm. Shocked and in pain, I ended up hitting him and knocking him over. He started crying and ran to his room. My brother-in-law said, "I know it was almost a reflex, but you can't come in here and hit my kid." I totally agree and feel terrible that I struck his son. This is not the first time I have been bitten by this nephew, and he has been sent home from day care because of biting. I now have a bruise where he bit me through my jacket. I have apologized profusely, but I still feel like a monster. How could I have better resolved the situation without resorting to violence?

    —Flustered and Hurt

    Dear Flustered,
    Next time you visit, you could wear one of those mesh suits used by deep-sea divers searching for sharks. Or maybe you could borrow a whip and chair from a retired lion tamer. Of course you feel terrible about inadvertently striking your nephew, but getting smacked is what happens to people who sink their teeth in your flesh like a rabid Doberman. I'm against corporal punishment, but your unintentional hit may turn out to help this 3-year-old absorb a visceral lesson: "Bite uncle on arm, get whacked in head." Sure, it was an unpleasant situation for everyone, but you didn't need a lecture about not hitting children; your in-laws needed to apologize for the nephew's behavior and assure you they have been working hard to break him of this habit. Stop fretting, and next time you go over, be vigilant about your nephew entering your personal space until he outgrows his cannibalistic tendencies.

    —Prudie
    http://www.slate.com/id/2183737

    Thoughts on her advice?
  2. OneSailorsGirl25
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    LMAO about the last line, but all in all, I think she was being a bit too sarcastic in her response. She does make a good point about the "bite uncle, get whacked" thing. The kid may eventually recognize that hurting someone else, can in turn hurt you. But at the same time, I think the child might have benefited more from being explained to about why they got popped, instead of just popped. (I will admit, that when one of mine bites, they get into trouble too, and I don't feel a bit bad when I discipline them, though, I tend to aim a bit lower, more towards the fleshy, covered up, bottom area, not the head).
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    #3
    but you didn't need a lecture about not hitting children; your in-laws needed to apologize for the nephew's behavior


    I would have smacked him too..... But Lindsay is a bit into her cup tonight, so she's feeling a little frisky....
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    #4
    yeah she sounded a bit sarcastic....but in the end she is right...it was reflex...he didn't mean too...and that childs parents need to teach there child that biting is wrong...as he said it was a problem at day care...yes of course he feels bad...but that child needs to be dealt with..He will learn one day
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    #5
    My son had a short lived biting experience when he was 2, b/c he bit my in the back of the thigh, right below my butt-cheek. It hurt like a mother, and with reflex I knocked him right over backwards, swatting the bug that took a chunk out of my junk. Did I feel horrible, yes I did. AFTER I regained feeling and stopped the bleeding. Did my son survive, yes he did. And after being flung onto his bum and having to soothe himself b/c I was rubbing my tush... he never bit anyone again.

    We're given reflexes for a reason... and if the parents won't teach the kid, someone else is going to, whether they want to or not.
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    #6
    My Mom would of said "bite him back" (with the kids history of biting). I agree that something needs to be done about a kid that bites everyone. He needs to be taught that when playing you can't hurt other people.

    For a while Darian would get over excited while playing pretend games (dinosaurs, things like that) and he bit and was sent to the office two different times. All it took was him knowing they were going to call me to come bring him home from school (leave a bruise and you are sent home for the day) and he knocked that off. I didn't yell at, bite, or smack him for it. I was upset with him and he was punished by losing privileges. Along with that he was told that he HAS to remember that pretending is fine as long as he does not touch anyone else. The only touching he is ever to do is gentle touching such as a hug. It worked no more biting.
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    #7
    I guess I take this one personally because DD has a problem with hitting and biting. I'm sure if she was in daycare, she probably would have been kicked out for it. And I DO punish her (corner time and spanking) and talk to her about it. It's a constant struggle, but I AM doing something about it. So if someone were to smack DD, who is only 2 1/2 after she smacked or bit them, I'd sure as hell be telling them not to hit my kid. I'll spank her but no one else has the right to hit my kid, especially a small child who is still learning not hurt others. I'd apologize for her biting them, of course, but also make them known that reaction is not acceptable-they're an adult, and the "attacker" is a small child who hasn't grasped yet that that's not ok to do.

    In fact, my aunt was watching DD for us one night. DD had fallen asleep in the car on a car ride back to my house (I stayed behind with DH and arrived about 15 minutes after them). Even though she hadn't had dinner and it was only 6 pm, my aunt took that as DD needed to go to bed. So she was trying to put DD in her jammies. DD had just woken up, was panicked I wasn't there and was screaming for me, had a thing about not wanting to get her jammies on and was hungry. So DD was kicking and hitting at my aunt to keep her from changing her diaper and putting her in jammies. My aunt said she panicked and smacked DD once on the leg. And yes, even though DD was hitting and kicking at her, it was inexcusable for my aunt to hit her. She will not watch my child again. I told her I understand what it's like when DD gets in fits like that, but that it was not ok for HER to spank her. I've spanked DD for it, but I'm her parent.

    And this kid is only 3. He is still learning. It's not acceptable in my book for any adult other than his parents to spank/hit him, even if the child is hurting them. I'd never dream of hurting anyone else's kid, even if they were hurting me. If the child was biting me, I'd try to pry them off and ask the parents for help, but I'd never smack them, even involuntarily. I think the guy should feel bad he did that.

    Wanted to add that DD has been bitten and hit by other KIDS. Some in retaliation for something she did to them, some just because that's what kids do sometimes. And DD still does it even though she doesn't like when it's done to her.
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Queensammi23 View Post
    yeah she sounded a bit sarcastic....but in the end she is right...it was reflex...he didn't mean too...and that childs parents need to teach there child that biting is wrong...as he said it was a problem at day care...yes of course he feels bad...but that child needs to be dealt with..He will learn one day

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    #9
    He didn't MEAN to hit the kid. I don't think he should still feel bad after apologizing. I would probably tell my in-laws that I won't be visiting while the kid is there until the biting has stopped, since I can't control my reflexes.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Wicked View Post
    He didn't MEAN to hit the kid. I don't think he should still feel bad after apologizing. I would probably tell my in-laws that I won't be visiting while the kid is there until the biting has stopped, since I can't control my reflexes.
    ughhhh ditto.

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