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Thread: Relationship Help

  1. Fresh Newbie
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    #1

    Relationship Help

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    Hello,

    So I met my boyfriend a month before he got deployed to Japan for the Marines. We both fell so hard for each other and we both really want our relationship to work. It is really hard with the time change and him being 17 hours ahead of me, but we make it work. He works long days and we try to text while he is at work, but sometimes he is just too busy. When he gets home from work he usually texts me and we text until he falls asleep. On the weekends, he will usually FaceTime me. This week something was wrong. We were supposed to FaceTime on Friday morning, but that didn't happen, he had roommate issues. So then the next day he told me he was sorry and we continued to text. I got really depressed and upset because I just wanted to FaceTime him. So we were texting and he asked what was wrong and I told him that I really missed him and that I wanted to FaceTime, but I know things came up. So then we continued talking and for some reason I got so dramatic and I asked him if he still wanted to be with me. He told me to stop acting like a teenage girl and to be logical and of course he still wants to be with me. So then I apologized for my actions and then he ignored me for the rest of the night. The next day he played football all day and wasn't able to text me until late at night. The conversation was very distant. He wasn't acting like himself but I don't want to make a big deal about his behavior. He claims that he is just tired and hungry. But I think there's something more. The holidays are coming up and he isn't coming home...he is also going on a special operation in December where he will have no communication to anyone he knows. Should I just be there to support him or should I address his behavior? Does anyone have a clue why he is acting up? I really just want to be in a relationship with him until he gets home...

    Sincerely,
    Upset girlfriend
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    #2
    I'll let others give a better answer than i could, but welcome!
    If you want my opinion on your relationship or life issues, just ask Villanelle!
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  3. we were all rooting for you
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Seattle23 View Post
    Hello,

    So I met my boyfriend a month before he got deployed to Japan for the Marines. We both fell so hard for each other and we both really want our relationship to work. It is really hard with the time change and him being 17 hours ahead of me, but we make it work. He works long days and we try to text while he is at work, but sometimes he is just too busy. When he gets home from work he usually texts me and we text until he falls asleep. On the weekends, he will usually FaceTime me. This week something was wrong. We were supposed to FaceTime on Friday morning, but that didn't happen, he had roommate issues. So then the next day he told me he was sorry and we continued to text. I got really depressed and upset because I just wanted to FaceTime him. So we were texting and he asked what was wrong and I told him that I really missed him and that I wanted to FaceTime, but I know things came up. So then we continued talking and for some reason I got so dramatic and I asked him if he still wanted to be with me. He told me to stop acting like a teenage girl and to be logical and of course he still wants to be with me. So then I apologized for my actions and then he ignored me for the rest of the night. The next day he played football all day and wasn't able to text me until late at night. The conversation was very distant. He wasn't acting like himself but I don't want to make a big deal about his behavior. He claims that he is just tired and hungry. But I think there's something more. The holidays are coming up and he isn't coming home...he is also going on a special operation in December where he will have no communication to anyone he knows. Should I just be there to support him or should I address his behavior? Does anyone have a clue why he is acting up? I really just want to be in a relationship with him until he gets home...

    Sincerely,
    Upset girlfriend
    to MSOS. You should introduce yourself in the newbies section, if you haven't already.

    I'm a little confused. What is his "behaviour"? What do you have to address? Is it not okay for him to not talk to you, or go play football on a weekend? Seems like you're hurt because he called you out when you admitted you were "so dramatic."
  4. Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?
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    #4
    I'm kind of confused as to what needs addressing as well. He might still be upset about you asking if he wants to be with you ... if he's having a lot of stress at work, dealing with an insecure SO may be the last thing he needs. No offense but it can be really emotionally exhausting, especially for someone who's tired/hungry/etc.

    I think you are right that just continuing to be supportive is the best thing. Don't work yourself up if plans fall through, don't get upset if he chooses to do something else with his free time. Use your free time well too so you'll have awesome stories to tell him when you get to talk. Show him he doesn't have to worry about any "dramatics" or insecurity.
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    #5
    Honestly, it sounds like this is a case of too much communication. It isn't fair to expect him to text at work, the whole time he's at home, plus Face Time on the weekends. That leaves him pretty much no time for himself.

    I think you are borrowing trouble making it seem like something is off with his behavior. He seems like a really devoted guy who is just a little annoyed that you got so dramatic.

    Give it some time. I would make a set time a week that you can Face Time. Ease back on the communication expectations a little. Give him time to explore his new duty station, hang out with his fellow Marines. You can fill your time with stuff you enjoy. Then, your time talking can be a lot easier and less stressful.
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    #6

    Behavior

    KittenMittens,

    When he first got deployed, he always was texting and FaceTiming me. Even two weeks ago, he was surprise FaceTiming me. This last couple of days he has just been distant and it's scaring me. We want to be together when he comes home (2 years away). I do believe he might be upset because it's the holidays and he isn't coming home. I also think he is nervous about his special operation in a couple of weeks.Do you think I just need to give him space?
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    #7
    It's normal for couples in the beginning of a relationship to call/text all the time, but it's not really sustainable or healthy. When DH and I were long distance, we'd exchange maybe 4-5 texts throughout the day, and a quick 10-15 minute phone call at night. Then we'd do a longer facetime call on the weekend. Honestly, talking too much can be stressful. If you guys are going to be long distance for two years, it's important to have realistic expectations about communication.
  8. we were all rooting for you
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    #8
    Quote Originally Posted by Seattle23 View Post
    KittenMittens,

    When he first got deployed, he always was texting and FaceTiming me. Even two weeks ago, he was surprise FaceTiming me. This last couple of days he has just been distant and it's scaring me. We want to be together when he comes home (2 years away). I do believe he might be upset because it's the holidays and he isn't coming home. I also think he is nervous about his special operation in a couple of weeks.Do you think I just need to give him space?
    How long has he been stationed over there so far? Like Twistertwin said, especially if he just got there, give him time and space to explore, hang out with his friends, and have his alone time. When my DB was gone on his last deployment, we set up a weekly time to Skype. Maybe that's something you two can do so he doesn't feel overwhelmed or even smothered. If you think he's upset about not coming home for the holidays and nervous about his field op, I'd suggest reminding him that you're there for him and support him. Don't push him or ask why. Just offer support and encouragement, and let him know you're here when he does need you and reaches out about it.
  9. Senior Member
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    #9


    How long have yall be together? Has it only been a couple of months (I ask because you mentioned he will still be stationed in Japan for 2 years)?

    If the relationship is still relatively fresh, then I'd do as the others said and give him space. I don't think you should be concerned yet.
    Last edited by idratherbehiking; 11-23-2014 at 09:28 PM. Reason: added stuff




  10. I'm sorry for the things I said when I was hungry.
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    #10
    Sounds like he saw a dramatic/insecure side of you he didn't like and is distancing himself. I am not calling you insecure btw, just sharing my view on this.

    It seems like from what you've said you are making yourself very available. You text while he's at work unless *hes* busy, you text until *he* falls asleep. All of that is fine, I'm not an advocate of the "pretend you are busy so he will chase you" game, but it does make me wonder if you are fulfilling your own needs for yourself, or if you are putting things/priorities/life on hold to be available for him 24/7 which while flattering at first, is not sexy to all men. Maybe I'm reading too much into your post too but from what I'm seeing, I think he is sending a message that he is not the type to put his life on hold to skype with you, and based on that, i would consider finding other activities or commitments to improve yourself, and see if that helps improve things.




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