Military Significant Others and Spouse Support - MilitarySOS.com
Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 37

Thread: Guaranteed Weight Loss Program

  1. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Shania7337's Avatar
    Shania7337 is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    29,609

    #1

    Guaranteed Weight Loss Program

    Advertisements
    A guy was ordered by his doctor to lose 75 lbs. due to very serious health risks. As he wondered how in the heck he would ever do it, he saw an ad in the newspaper for a Guaranteed Weight Loss Program.

    "Guaranteed? Yeah right!" he thought to himself. But desperate, he calls them up and subscribes to the 3-day/10 pound weight loss program.

    The next day there's a knock at his door, and when he answers, there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."

    Without a second thought he takes off after her. A few miles later, huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her. After they are through and she leaves, he thinks to himself, "I like the way this company does business!"

    The same girl shows up for the next two days and the same thing happens.

    On the fourth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lb. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.

    The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life, wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me, you can have me."

    He's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her, but when he does, it is worth every cramp and wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens and much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself and found he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

    He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program.

    "Are you sure?", asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program."

    "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

    The next day there's a knock at the door and when he opens it he finds a scary-looking college linebacker standing with a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine!





  2. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Jenabugg's Avatar
    Jenabugg is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Vicenza, Italy
    Posts
    3,637
    #2


    I like this joke! Off to email it to DH
  3. MilitarySOS Jewel
    Shania7337's Avatar
    Shania7337 is offline
    MilitarySOS Jewel
    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    29,609

    #3
    One of my old work friends emailed that to me He's like my grandpa, so it's weird to get a sex joke from him
  4. Be the change you wish to see in the world.
    Vive's Avatar
    Vive is offline
    Be the change you wish to see in the world.
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Me: Florence, Italy - Him: Buckley afb
    Posts
    1,323
    Blog Entries
    1
    #4
  5. Senior Member
    MaggieG0721's Avatar
    MaggieG0721 is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Woodbridge, VA
    Posts
    4,622
    #5
  6. Banned
    ~Jess~'s Avatar
    ~Jess~ is offline
    Banned
    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    9,558
    #6
  7. Senior Member
    Rain.'s Avatar
    Rain. is offline
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Posts
    19,481
    #7
  8. BLT= Brandon Loves Tiffany
    goodiegurl18's Avatar
    goodiegurl18 is offline
    BLT= Brandon Loves Tiffany
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    Joplin, MO (Home town)
    Posts
    2,277
    #8
    Ive heard it before but it still makes me laugh everytime.
  9. lord help us all!
    FuzzyToaster's Avatar
    FuzzyToaster is offline
    lord help us all!
    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Posts
    10,649
    #9
  10. FLORIDIAN
    Elizabeth's Avatar
    Elizabeth is offline
    FLORIDIAN
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Location
    Sigonella, Sicily
    Posts
    11,727
    #10
    That's funny!





    Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts? / Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts /
    So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess / And stop the muscle that makes us confess / And we are so fragile /
    And our cracking bones make noise / And we are just breakable, breakable, breakable girls and boys.

Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •