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April Lynne

Single again...

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by , 11-18-2008 at 12:01 AM (1254 Views)
So he broke up with me today...I'll admit that I didn't fight it very hard today but I've been fighting it for 3 weeks and I just can't do it anymore. You can only explain to someone that you love them and want to be with them so many times before you give up! There are only so many ways that you can actually say I won't cheat on you before you just get fed up and let him use it as an out. That's what he wanted right? He wanted me to just just give in and tell him I was planning on cheating on him right? I mean he just kept telling me that I wasn't goin to be able to make it through deployment, no matter how many times i told him it wasn't goin to be a problem he still had the tone in his voice...he wanted out and he was too chicken shit to just go ahead and get it over with.

I've been really thinking today about all this and about my relationship history and it makes me wonder how much I've been blaming myself for the way my past relationships have gone wrong and how much of that blame I actually deserved...I realize I've got issues and some baggage but by the same token if I tell the guy at the very beginning about that stuff shouldn't he be ready and willing to deal with it when he starts a serious relationship with me? Doesn't he take on some of that burden when he asks me out?

I just want to find a person I can settle down with, someone who's a guys guy, someone who can watch football with me and know what's happening as well as go to sappy chick flicks and show some sort of emotion!

Where is my prince charming? Am I ever goin to find him or am I destined to be alone until I'm in my 40's and I give up? Should I just throw in the towel now and forget that men exsist? Is that the better and less painful option?? UGH! So many quesitons and NOT enough time to even answer them all in my head!

If you're reading this, sorry, it's what has been running through my head all day! Advice is welcome!

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Comments

  1. Dianna's Avatar
    I think you did the right thing...You are entering a new phase in your life now with your upcoming graduation and all. Maybe that phase means new man too! I know you will meet someone who will be THE ONE and will put this ex now to shame! Just focus on being your wonderful self and someone will see your confidence and just want to be with you too!
  2. JurnelleFlamme's Avatar
    I have felt the things you are feeling. I have been to the place you have been sooooo many times. But no time hurt worse than with my Navy man...the love of my life...the other half of me when he had to leave me for a short time because of things going on in his own life. From reading your blog, you are a beautiful woman with so much love to give...SHAME ON HIM FOR NOT SEEING YOUR WORTH!! I do not know how old you are, but I will not lie to you by saying Prince Charming is two days away. It could take years to find him. It took me 33 to find mine, but it HAPPENED!! When I had given up, when I had decided I was done with love, when I was closing myself off emotionally to avoid further pain...he stepped into my life. IT CAN HAPPEN FOR YOU TOO SWEETIE SO HANG IN THERE!!