April Lynne

So he broke up with me today...I'll admit that I didn't fight it very hard today but I've been fighting it for 3 weeks and I just can't do it anymore. You can only explain to someone that you love them and want to be with them so many times before you give up! There are only so many ways that you can actually say I won't cheat on you before you just get fed up and let him use it as an out. That's what he wanted right? He wanted me to just just give in and tell him I was planning on cheating on him right? I mean he just kept telling me that I wasn't goin to be able to make it through deployment, no matter how many times i told him it wasn't goin to be a problem he still had the tone in his voice...he wanted out and he was too chicken shit to just go ahead and get it over with.

I've been really thinking today about all this and about my relationship history and it makes me wonder how much I've been blaming myself for the way my past relationships have gone wrong and how much of that blame I actually deserved...I realize I've got issues and some baggage but by the same token if I tell the guy at the very beginning about that stuff shouldn't he be ready and willing to deal with it when he starts a serious relationship with me? Doesn't he take on some of that burden when he asks me out?

I just want to find a person I can settle down with, someone who's a guys guy, someone who can watch football with me and know what's happening as well as go to sappy chick flicks and show some sort of emotion!

Where is my prince charming? Am I ever goin to find him or am I destined to be alone until I'm in my 40's and I give up? Should I just throw in the towel now and forget that men exsist? Is that the better and less painful option?? UGH! So many quesitons and NOT enough time to even answer them all in my head!

If you're reading this, sorry, it's what has been running through my head all day! Advice is welcome!