Another day... Another Fight
Posted 10-04-2009 at 10:07 AM by EllieJo
I turned 24 on Sept. 30th this year. Even though I should be excited about my birthday I'm not. My DH is overseas and once again like clockwork sent me flowers. Roses to be exact. I have received roses from him for each holiday he has been gone. I'm so sick of getting flowers! He could order me anything but no he gets me flowers. How sad is it that the only reason I was excited about my birthday is that this year I get to spend MY birthday money on myself. Every year since I have met him we have had to spend MY birthday money on bills or rent or something we needed. Something would always come up and we would be counting on that money to cover it. Sad thing is half the time it would be due to his spending too much on something stupid. This year I started to cry as I thought about how happy I was to be able to spend the money on myself. I can't believe it has been nearly 5 years since I have been able to spend my own birthday money...
DH and I talked the other night. We got into a huge fight because I told him I wanted us to be more active when he came home. He freaked out and told me that we would talk about it after he got home. Which is not till sometime after winter. Most of his friends from high school are married and now pregnant. I told him that I felt we should meet some new people. He told me that the only reason I wanted to meet new people is so I wouldn't want a child right away. When I told him I really wanted to wait till I was 27 he freaked out. "I wish I had been part of that decision" was all he said.... NEWS FLASH BABE you are not home for me to talk to all the time! I told him nothing was set in stone but he informed me that he wanted us to have a child within 1 year of him coming home. I've changed and I enjoy going out at night again. I told him that we would need time to get to know each other again. But he just kept saying how if I wanted to wait another 3 years then he should just resign to get more money. I hate that! I told him to go for it but I didn't want to hear his bitching about them being on him about his weight and physical shape. Guess we will see what happens... all I know is I'm not ready to be a mom and for my whole life to change again.
There is a country songs that goes "She married when she was 20... she thought she was ready... now she's not so sure. She thought she'd done some living... now she's just wondering what she's living for... She doesn't want to leave... She's just wondering is there life out there?" DH and I married when I was 21. I love him and I don't want to loose him. I just need something more in my life than my day ending at 5 when he comes home from work. I need him to get to know my friends and go to parties with me, NOT at his friends places. We have been together for nearly 5 years and I can count 3 times that we have gone to a party one of my friends was having... I don't think I can count all the parties that we have gone to for his friends. I just don't know what yo do anymore.... I love him but I've changed and part of me is wondering if he will still love me for who I am or if he will want me to be the same 21 year old girl he married... I just don't think I can go back to being that girl again.
DH and I talked the other night. We got into a huge fight because I told him I wanted us to be more active when he came home. He freaked out and told me that we would talk about it after he got home. Which is not till sometime after winter. Most of his friends from high school are married and now pregnant. I told him that I felt we should meet some new people. He told me that the only reason I wanted to meet new people is so I wouldn't want a child right away. When I told him I really wanted to wait till I was 27 he freaked out. "I wish I had been part of that decision" was all he said.... NEWS FLASH BABE you are not home for me to talk to all the time! I told him nothing was set in stone but he informed me that he wanted us to have a child within 1 year of him coming home. I've changed and I enjoy going out at night again. I told him that we would need time to get to know each other again. But he just kept saying how if I wanted to wait another 3 years then he should just resign to get more money. I hate that! I told him to go for it but I didn't want to hear his bitching about them being on him about his weight and physical shape. Guess we will see what happens... all I know is I'm not ready to be a mom and for my whole life to change again.
There is a country songs that goes "She married when she was 20... she thought she was ready... now she's not so sure. She thought she'd done some living... now she's just wondering what she's living for... She doesn't want to leave... She's just wondering is there life out there?" DH and I married when I was 21. I love him and I don't want to loose him. I just need something more in my life than my day ending at 5 when he comes home from work. I need him to get to know my friends and go to parties with me, NOT at his friends places. We have been together for nearly 5 years and I can count 3 times that we have gone to a party one of my friends was having... I don't think I can count all the parties that we have gone to for his friends. I just don't know what yo do anymore.... I love him but I've changed and part of me is wondering if he will still love me for who I am or if he will want me to be the same 21 year old girl he married... I just don't think I can go back to being that girl again.
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