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Drink water, drive on

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by , 07-06-2008 at 06:32 AM (1019 Views)
The last couple of months have been pretty rough. My grandfather died at the end of April, the day after his 80th birthday, while we were back in Georgia for his and my other grandfathers 80th birthday parties. Pawpaw had two forms of cancer and we knew he didn't have long but I wasn't expecting him to die while we were there for the parties. His death has forced me to face a lot of issues I was ignoring, and I still feel like I'm in a little bit of shock and denial, but reality keeps slapping me in the face with things like my birthday, Father's Day, stuff like that. There's been a lot of other stuff going on too.

I've felt so lost and uncertain, like everything's up in the air and I don't know what's going on. I've been pulling back into myself and losing interest in major things that I usually love doing.The only things that haven't changed and that have stayed certain and solid are my relationship with DB and a few of my friendships. DB and a certain few of my friends have been so great about being there for me and letting me vent and talk and be a mess whenever I need to, and just letting me know that they love me and are there for me. I feel so lucky and blessed to have them all in my life.

And yet, things still feel kinda crazy. I don't really have a direction right now and I'm still trying to deal with so many issues I've left unresolved through the years.I don't know how to deal with a lot of this stuff, it wasn't exactly covered in high school and church when I was growing up. I make it one day at a time, sometimes one minute at a time, but so often I feel so tired of being strong and so tired of fighting. Sometimes I just want to give up, but I know I can't. But I'm tired of being strong for everyone and holding it together, but I just keep marching on. Like they told us in Basic and AIT and as a holdover, before I was medboarded, "Drink water and drive on".

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  1. OneBoyOneGirl's Avatar
    baby steps, one at a time.