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kelsey<3jimmy

the beginning...

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by , 06-17-2008 at 01:35 AM (572 Views)
jimmy just left for bootcamp. they came to take him away and bring him to the hotel on father's day, which made it especially hard. him and his dad have had their issues in the past but have grown pretty close ever since his mother passed away in january. i had been dreading this day for quite some time. but when the time came to say my last goodbye it wasnt has bad as i imagined it would be. it was hard, dont get me wrong. but i didnt totally lose it. which im really glad for. thats the one thing he didnt want. see, i get really emotional, especially when it comes to him and the idea of losing him [or being away for such a long time] and he absolutely hates to see me cry. but ive been a lot stronger than i thought possible. its just the beginning though and i know its only going to get harder, much harder.

i used to alway worry that he'd go away to bootcamp and disappear on me. that he'd leave and id never see him again. or that he'd write me telling me its over..mostly because he admitted to thinking of doing all that at one point in time or another. which is mostly why id get so emotional about him leaving. but as his leave date grew closer and closer i seemed to get more and more used to the idea of the whole situation and we had talk after talk about what we both wanted in the future. and i think he finally saw how much i truely love him and that i really would do anything for him. which hopefully calmed his anxities that i wasnt going to be able to handle it or that i wouldnt remain faithfull. thus diminishing his thoughts of ending the relationship before i break his heart. ihope.

so im trying not to worry about any of that anymore, but i still do from time to time. and with all that pushed mostly to the side, i find myself able to cope much better. i think about him all the time and am constantly wondering what he's up to..but at least i dont have to worry about him getting hurt or killed, yet anyway. which is a wonderous thing. im finding that the nights are hard though. i used to sneak him in my house at night so we could sleep in each others arms. and i got all his favorite really soft blanets, some of his t-shirts, and his collone when he left so im surrounded with everything that reminds me of him most. which makes me miss him so bad it physically hurts. i cant sleep because i just keep thinking how while 13 weeks really isnt all that long, it can feel like an eternity. especially when im still used to seeing him almost everyday. and he doesnt like writting so i know the letters will be breif with little detail as to how he's actually doing. and to think its only going to get harder...but i love him more than anything. and he's worth every second of this hell.

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