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just having a really hard time

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by , 05-31-2008 at 02:20 AM (992 Views)
i vented about this already. but things have happened since my post and as much as i want to post an update i know this is not over yet and i just cannot seem to bring myself to post there so i am posting here.

i am truly upset over his emotional cheating. i am even more upset over her part in it because she knows he is not there mentally anymore and she tried to take advantage of that.

i am angry at him because it took him 8 days to decided if after 16 yrs of marriage he wanted her or me. um hello i would not have even had to think about it.

6 yrs ago when he left me for someone else he told me he wanted to change and he wanted me to change. he wanted me to be more independant. i thought about it and saw no reason why i could not improve myself but i did it for me not for him.

yesterday he told me i was too independant and that i was not good enough and that he had a problem with pretty much everything about me. but he chose me because he did love me ....

huh ? how can you love someone that you hate everything about???

anyway today was better he called her and told her they could not be friends any more and she called him a liar etc....

i stayed out of it, i was there when he wanted to talk about it but did not feel the need to get in the middle of the squabble.

i am waiting for the day that she calls my house though begging him to reconsider. i mean she looked him up after 20 yrs of not seeing him to rekindle this and it took over a yr to convince him he could still have feelings for her.

i am sorry but that homewrecker just needs to move on. i mean she could not even stand to be with him the way he is now for very long. i figure if they did get together she would be kicking him out the first time he had an episode and got nasty with her.

i also informed him that if he did anything close to this again the girls and i would walk out. i cannot go through this again. this about killed me. i seriously thought about just walking out several times in the last few days. i do not think i could handle being ripped apart like this again.

over the past few days my self esteem has taken a dramatic nose dive. i feel worthless and he acts angry at himself and very little compassion for me.

the girls know i made him tell them. we had a family meeting to discuss it. it was necessary for them. we keep nothing from them. we never have and we never will. i knew they knew something was going on. and to hide it from them would have just been wrong. they are not stupid.

anyway i am off to bathe and then crash its after 2 in the morning and my brain and heart just need a break.

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  1. bbrown20's Avatar
    I can not believe what I read. I am so sorry. I hope all works out for you.