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Update to "colors are complicated"

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by , 06-01-2008 at 05:25 AM (781 Views)
X-Posted on the boards.

Throughout the whole 5 year relationship I said I just wanted to go to city hall and get married. Maybe even Vegas. Then we got engaged and he suddenly tells me he has always wanted a big wedding. I was ok with that. I don't hate my family or weddings, I just didn't feel like going though the hassle. So I changed my plan to a big wedding. I even figured out who is paying for it (and he doesn't have to fit the bill for anything, neither do his parents!)!
I started looking for a dress and found a caterer....then I made a mistake.
I asked him his opinion. I mean, I feel like this wedding is happening because of what HE wants, which I am fine with, but I do feel that since he wanted it he should help with it!
Well the first discussion was about dates. That was easy because we like the same time of year.
Then we talk about colors and he will literally not let me have ANYthing I want! I wouldn't be against his color options but they are UGLY! Not good for a daytime wedding or a spring wedding. I would even let him use a color he wanted as long as I could pair it with a color I want, but he is NOT having that!
I am not freaking out about it (it's just colors and for a wedding I haven't been "dreaming about") but then today I get the idea that he's annoyed and so I say:
"Do you still wanna get Married?"
No answer
"Do you want the ring back?"
"No, you can't take it off!" I'm thinking *phew, thats good!*
"Well, whats wrong? I thought you wanted a wedding?"
"At first I did, but now I'm not so sure."
"Because...." dot dot dot = 3 minutes silence.
"Because it takes a lot of effort to plan?"
"Well, I could plan it all myself and ask you nothing." thinking *please say no please say no!*
"No, I don't want that, but I don't want to think about it either."

WELL, I'm sure that any girl who dreams about her wedding day could take the reins and say "this is what I want." But I have a hard time saying that stuff when I don't WANT a wedding! I'm trying to plan it because he wants it, and I thought that since he wants it he could say more than just that. Basically, he wants a fucking bachelor party. I'm feeling like I have to plan a wedding that he wants but I'm not supposed to talk about it with him cos it stresses him out. I would be FINE if he said "I'm not ready, let's not do this." But apparently he IS ready as long as I do all the work and do exactly what he wants without asking him.

I'm sounding very bratty and I feel bad. I got myself excited about certain things about the wedding (at my grandma's house, my dress, making favors...) but if he's gonna get cold feet when picking colors I feel a little entitled to get angry. This is so hard and it shouldn't be! If this is how he is about colors HOW is he gonna be about something life changing?? I'm he worth it? Do I want to put up with this? (he is like this about almost everything. dinner, phone calls...I'm serious)

I LOVE him, I just don't want to feel like the bad guy for making decisions!!! I feel like crying. He made me want something else and I thought he wanted it too. Now he's backing out and I'm not even sure if we're getting married at all. I didn't mean to push him away with the plans.

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