TheBryTree

[FONT=Arial Narrow][SIZE=1][I][SIZE=2] Today's blog challenge topic is:[/SIZE]
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Are you happy or unhappy with your[B] physical appearance[/B] (overall) right now and why? If there are changes you'd like to make, what are they? Are you planning to act on those changes and make them a reality? What DON'T you want to change?


[/SIZE][/I][SIZE=2][SIZE=3][FONT=Arial]I am very unhappy with my physical appearance. I've always felt like the loser fat kid with bad skin... and I have been teased for both as well.

When I wear dresses, because most the weight is on my stomach, I tend to look pregnant and it drives me bonkers. Not only because I am fat, but because I am NOT pregnant, would like to be, but can't for a while. I would like to lose up to 50 or so pounds while Andrew is deployed but I am worried that I won't have the motivation. I have HORRIBLE self control when it comes to food and exercise, and because I don't know anyone yet where I live, I have no one to help keep me on track. I also don't want to tell Andrew of my plan for fear that I don't do it and he comes home and is disappointed in me.

My skin, while better than it used to be (thanks in most to ideas from Loretta!) still drives me bonkers. I am just barely an adult and I feel that my skin pulls me down a couple years, making it harder to get respect from other adults who think I am just a kid. I feel that I am constantly torn between trying to prove myself as a competent adult (who DOES wash her face, thanks) and trying to ignore the obvious disrespect I receive from people in stores and such when Andrew isn't around. Only when I am with him do people think I am older because HE looks older. Everyone thinks he is about 23... some have thought he was 35ish. And I am stuck looking 16. I am hoping that exercising and eating better will not only effect my weight, but also my skin. Bad skin is genetic in my family, but I am sure my diet and exercise effect it profusely.

As for the rest of my physical appearance, I am happy enough. I wouldn't say any of me is perfect, but besides my skin and my weight, the rest of me is good enough where I can be happy with it. I don't think I would want to change much else. Perhaps my boobs because they are too big.... but I won't worry about that until I am done having children and breast feeding. besides... Andrew likes them ;) haha

Generally, I have extremely low self esteem... I don't think much of myself at all. I am hoping that if I succeed at losing weight and being healthier, I will have more self esteem not only because I am skinnier, but because I will then know I am capable of changing my lifestyle and succeeding at something that requires so much self control on my part.

To be completely honest, I look forward to Andrew's deployment so that I can have a year all to myself where I could work on making myself a happier and better person. Where there is no one to change my plans for the day or my grocery list. I look forward to his deployment so that I can prove to myself that I am better than I currently think I am. His deployment poses the perfect opportunity to make my own exercise schedule and my own meal plan. I will of course miss him, and would rather him NOT go but because it is something we DO have to deal with, I look forward to making the absolute most of it. Assuming I have the self control to do so.
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