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Just another sad day with db 1 million and 1 miles away!

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by , 12-03-2008 at 11:47 PM (1453 Views)
So I am in the process of writing Trav a letter and I just cant help but get really sad! I miss him so much and i feel like i go through the motions some days....i had an absolutely crappy last couple of days besides the fact that he called yesterday morning! I love hearing his voice....i just makes everything else that is wrong go away...when i talk to him i'm not scared about him being gone...i miss him but not in the lonely way for those 15 or so minutes...I am not sure how i am going to make it through the next few weeks without hearing from him but i will do it because i love him with all my heart and if this is what he needs me to do while he is gone then i will....I will keep myself from going crazy b/c that wont help him....and i wont stop living b/c he would be disappointed that i couldnt get through this....i just needed to get everything out....I hate this deployment....i miss the love of my life every second that i am breathing....it's hard for me to have fun just b/c i dont want him to be miserable and i am back here having a great time without him....b/c im not! I need him to be safe and to make it home to me....i dont care about the fights and the rough time that we had before he left....i just need him to come home! I know he is the one that i want to be with...there is no one else that could ever make me happier....i know he is nervous about the future and that lately he isnt sure if he wants to get married soon after he gets back but that is fine...people change and he needs time to be sure....I can wait for him to get his life figured out when he gets back into civilian life...we have made it through that process before and we came out fine....i have had the most amazing memories with him over the past year and a half and i cant wait to have more of them....i hope that he will still love me when he gets back....my biggest fear isnt that he wont make it home b/c he will...i have no doubts of that....my biggest fear is that he wont feel the same about me and that he wont love me or need me in his life anymore....i know he will change while he is gone but everyone changes throughout their life and when he got back from his first deployment he had changed a lot from what i knew about him before and i love the person that he is and i love how he treats me....before he left he apologized for being the way he is and i have never once been mad at him for how he feels...i dont need him to apologize...i love everything about him and no matter what we go through i will still love him with all of my heart and i will miss him every minute he is gone! I think that is about all i can let out....i need a kleenex so i will end for tonight but beware of the next few posts because finals week is next week and i am already an emotional wreck!

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  1. TnR112108's Avatar
    wow girl... how long is he gone for? My baby leaves in Jan. for Iraq and im going crazy now... its going to be so bittersweet for me around Christmas time... i just wish time would stop in the 2 weeks i have with him before he gets deployed... im going crazyyy