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Thread: Trigger Warning- Eating disorder talk

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    #1

    Nutts Trigger Warning- Eating disorder talk

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    Hey everyone- so no I do not have an eating disorder as of now but I have been suffering a lot with one still...I know what your thinking- what the hell does she mean by that? Stay tuned. So i'm 22 years old and met my fiance when I was 14. When I was 14 I was very slender (Obviously I was 14!!!) So maybe like 100lbs. I am 5'2" by the way- was then and I still am! So anyways, as I grew up I started putting on weight in my hips, butt, and stomach- no change in eating at all just from transitioning from a girl to a woman I guess. Fast forward to 22 and I weigh 135. I am not saying thats a bad weight at all or trying to call myself fat but it is not a body weight I am personally happy with. I find many women who are heavier than me to be beautiful!!! I do not like how I look being 135, which may be because a lot goes to my cheeks and I am short too. Anyways, I have tried everything to get down to 125 which would be my ideal weight. I cut out a lot of carbs before, exercised, drank more water, did not eat sugar- and it works a little bit. I will usually get down to 131 or so and then (I SWEAR!!!!) one dinner out having some pizza or whatever it may be and I've put 3 pounds back on. I feel like my body naturally wants to maintain the 135 pounds or something because nothing works! When I get down to 131, its usually because I go to bed hungry, have headaches from not eating enough, or am SO sore from exercising. Also, it is so hard for me to stay on these diets and exercise patterns because I feel bad all the time and miss foods I like (but when I eat the foods I like for a cheat day....everythings ruined!!!!) My fiance expressed that he loves how I look multiple times but he also ALWAYS wants to help me lose weight. He claims its because he wants me to feel happy in my own body. So this brings me to the eating disorder. I am constantly thinking of throwing up after I eat. Sometimes I go to the bathroom and try and I stop myself every time knowing how destructive this can become. I have excoriation disorder and constantly bite at my tongue when I am anxious until it is bleeding (I take anti-anxiety medications which has helped a little). Anyways, what is your take on all this? What can I do to get rid of these constant thoughts of just throwing up?

    Sorry this was so lengthy. It feels good already to just get it out there!! I appreciate any advice.
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    #2
    I think speaking with a professional would be your best bet. It's great that you realize it's not healthy and looking for help. .

    It also seems like you try really hard to lose weight, going all out, get frustrated that it's not working quickly, and give up. It's a vicious cycle. I'd try to focus less on a number and more on what you're eating/how much and how you feel. Make changes you can maintain long term.
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    #3
    I definitelynsecond seeking professional help since you're having those thoughts. In the mean time, you have to get rid of the scale if it's going to ruin you. If you have control, which it doesn't sound like in this area, only weigh yourself once every week or two. Our bodies fluctuate especially when you eat a meal you're not used to. You can also stick to protein, fruits, veggies, and some carbs - brown rice, sweet potato, etc. no bread or processed white carbs.

    I'm going through something similar with my body image and I've made very small changes the last week and have noticed a difference in both my weight and mentality. please reach out if you need someone to talk to or have impulses!

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