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Thread: Who has time for a career?!

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    #1

    Who has time for a career?!

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    when we are all so busy moving for our husband!?! Are we (military spouses) supposed to be able to carry on a career at the post we are at? or do we depend on our spouses to help us with the necessities (rent, food, cars etc) Are they supposed to be more than willing to support us because we can't have a career because of theirs? A marriage is two become one, bank accounts, lives, become one. Why is it that when you give up your life for your relationship, the military man can't seem to grasp the concept that you are his responsibility, the military pays extra when you get married, because there is more than one person now...
    My fiancee can't grasp that. he is so used to looking out for himself. I have moved half way across the US for him (us), and he resents me. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I could have a career if I wasn't following him everywhere because of his career. When I mention having a career he says no because I won't be around, yet he resents the fact that I don't have enough to support myself. I am torn. help!!
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    #2
    I'm sorry to hear about your troubles =( Do you have an advanced or specialized education in which you can pursue a job and build from there where you are now? I'm graduating as an RN in 3 months... I met DB just last year so I was already set in my career path but we agree that me being a nurse is going to be great for the constant moving and stuff. I clicked the ad link on the homepage one time about spouse careers and how some are eligible to get that paid for (up to a certain amount) by the military. I'd check into that too. Also, consider careers that are mobile, like anything in the healthcare or dental fields. Moving does suck though when it comes to certain career building moves such as networking and building on those connections in systems that know you. Good luck!
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    #3
    I'm not exactly sure your DF knows what he wants. He doesn't want you having a career because you won't be around as much but he wants you to have money for yourself. Since you're not married yet, you need to do what YOU want to do. Don't let him decide what's best for you. However, maybe you can work part-time. That would be a good balance. Good luck!
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by infantry honey View Post
    when we are all so busy moving for our husband!?! Are we (military spouses) supposed to be able to carry on a career at the post we are at? or do we depend on our spouses to help us with the necessities (rent, food, cars etc) Are they supposed to be more than willing to support us because we can't have a career because of theirs? A marriage is two become one, bank accounts, lives, become one. Why is it that when you give up your life for your relationship, the military man can't seem to grasp the concept that you are his responsibility, the military pays extra when you get married, because there is more than one person now...

    My fiancee can't grasp that. he is so used to looking out for himself. I have moved half way across the US for him (us), and he resents me. Am I wrong for thinking this way? I could have a career if I wasn't following him everywhere because of his career. When I mention having a career he says no because I won't be around, yet he resents the fact that I don't have enough to support myself. I am torn. help!!
    I disagree with most of what you are saying... it is very possible to have a career as a military spouse. Ladies and gents have been doing it for years... but yea there are some things you may need to compromise on... You can work at home, pick a job choice that is easier to find in more then one area (for example, I am a teacher/child care and I can do that pretty much anywhere), stay put and do a long distance thing, find jobs on or near base that are prone to those moving every couple of years, and so on... It takes a little more planning, but its possible...

    Not everyone combines bank accounts and the like when they get married, you and your husband should take care of each other in all forms of the word, its not his sole responsibility to take care of the family so no I do not think military members are supposed to be more inclined to carry the weight of supporting the family on their shoulders alone... Also the military doesn't give you all that much extra for being married, the only thing I can think of that changes is a couple bucks for BAH and maybe 1 or 2 other things... Many families have to continue to have two incomes to keep the household running, those who rely on 1 are normally very small, know how to budget like its their job, or struggle pay-check to pay-check... But its different for every couple.

    Personally I would not be up-rooting myself from my job, friends, family, life, and so on for a man that is not my husband, but that is me... If you want to follow him around before you two get married, then you need to make sure that you can support yourself without his help. There are too many what if's in the situation to risk getting yourself in a spot where you get screwed. The military is not kind to those in a relationship if they are not married and there are two many things that can change at the drop of a hat that would leave you stranded...

    You need to find a balance with your fiance if you want to make this work, but IMO you need to get the idea that its his job to support you out of your head. You are a grown woman and while you will be married, you still need to make a contribution to your household (however it is, you as a couple, define that) From what I have read, he does not define that as taking care of your every need so you two need to sit down and talk about this before you say I do...
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    #5
    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    I disagree with most of what you are saying... it is very possible to have a career as a military spouse. Ladies and gents have been doing it for years... but yea there are some things you may need to compromise on... You can work at home, pick a job choice that is easier to find in more then one area (for example, I am a teacher/child care and I can do that pretty much anywhere), stay put and do a long distance thing, find jobs on or near base that are prone to those moving every couple of years, and so on... It takes a little more planning, but its possible...

    Not everyone combines bank accounts and the like when they get married, you and your husband should take care of each other in all forms of the word, its not his sole responsibility to take care of the family so no I do not think military members are supposed to be more inclined to carry the weight of supporting the family on their shoulders alone... Also the military doesn't give you all that much extra for being married, the only thing I can think of that changes is a couple bucks for BAH and maybe 1 or 2 other things... Many families have to continue to have two incomes to keep the household running, those who rely on 1 are normally very small, know how to budget like its their job, or struggle pay-check to pay-check... But its different for every couple.

    Personally I would not be up-rooting myself from my job, friends, family, life, and so on for a man that is not my husband, but that is me... If you want to follow him around before you two get married, then you need to make sure that you can support yourself without his help. There are too many what if's in the situation to risk getting yourself in a spot where you get screwed. The military is not kind to those in a relationship if they are not married and there are two many things that can change at the drop of a hat that would leave you stranded...

    You need to find a balance with your fiance if you want to make this work, but IMO you need to get the idea that its his job to support you out of your head. You are a grown woman and while you will be married, you still need to make a contribution to your household (however it is, you as a couple, define that) From what I have read, he does not define that as taking care of your every need so you two need to sit down and talk about this before you say I do...
    I agree =)
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    #6
    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    I disagree with most of what you are saying... it is very possible to have a career as a military spouse. Ladies and gents have been doing it for years... but yea there are some things you may need to compromise on... You can work at home, pick a job choice that is easier to find in more then one area (for example, I am a teacher/child care and I can do that pretty much anywhere), stay put and do a long distance thing, find jobs on or near base that are prone to those moving every couple of years, and so on... It takes a little more planning, but its possible...

    Not everyone combines bank accounts and the like when they get married, you and your husband should take care of each other in all forms of the word, its not his sole responsibility to take care of the family so no I do not think military members are supposed to be more inclined to carry the weight of supporting the family on their shoulders alone... Also the military doesn't give you all that much extra for being married, the only thing I can think of that changes is a couple bucks for BAH and maybe 1 or 2 other things... Many families have to continue to have two incomes to keep the household running, those who rely on 1 are normally very small, know how to budget like its their job, or struggle pay-check to pay-check... But its different for every couple.

    Personally I would not be up-rooting myself from my job, friends, family, life, and so on for a man that is not my husband, but that is me... If you want to follow him around before you two get married, then you need to make sure that you can support yourself without his help. There are too many what if's in the situation to risk getting yourself in a spot where you get screwed. The military is not kind to those in a relationship if they are not married and there are two many things that can change at the drop of a hat that would leave you stranded...

    You need to find a balance with your fiance if you want to make this work, but IMO you need to get the idea that its his job to support you out of your head. You are a grown woman and while you will be married, you still need to make a contribution to your household (however it is, you as a couple, define that) From what I have read, he does not define that as taking care of your every need so you two need to sit down and talk about this before you say I do...
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    #7
    Dang PITA! Nicely put!! =)

    Quote Originally Posted by His*PITA* View Post
    I disagree with most of what you are saying... it is very possible to have a career as a military spouse. Ladies and gents have been doing it for years... but yea there are some things you may need to compromise on... You can work at home, pick a job choice that is easier to find in more then one area (for example, I am a teacher/child care and I can do that pretty much anywhere), stay put and do a long distance thing, find jobs on or near base that are prone to those moving every couple of years, and so on... It takes a little more planning, but its possible...

    Not everyone combines bank accounts and the like when they get married, you and your husband should take care of each other in all forms of the word, its not his sole responsibility to take care of the family so no I do not think military members are supposed to be more inclined to carry the weight of supporting the family on their shoulders alone... Also the military doesn't give you all that much extra for being married, the only thing I can think of that changes is a couple bucks for BAH and maybe 1 or 2 other things... Many families have to continue to have two incomes to keep the household running, those who rely on 1 are normally very small, know how to budget like its their job, or struggle pay-check to pay-check... But its different for every couple.

    Personally I would not be up-rooting myself from my job, friends, family, life, and so on for a man that is not my husband, but that is me... If you want to follow him around before you two get married, then you need to make sure that you can support yourself without his help. There are too many what if's in the situation to risk getting yourself in a spot where you get screwed. The military is not kind to those in a relationship if they are not married and there are two many things that can change at the drop of a hat that would leave you stranded...

    You need to find a balance with your fiance if you want to make this work, but IMO you need to get the idea that its his job to support you out of your head. You are a grown woman and while you will be married, you still need to make a contribution to your household (however it is, you as a couple, define that) From what I have read, he does not define that as taking care of your every need so you two need to sit down and talk about this before you say I do...
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    #8
    I'm actually starting my career cause my DH is in the air force. I'm starting my own buisness pretty much and running a home day care out of our house on base. I should hopefully be opening my doors next week for it.
    (by the way I'm only 20 and I'm doing this)
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    #9
    I had no problem continuing my career the 20 years my DH was in. As a matter of fact, he is retired and goes to school full time and I make enough money in my "career" to support our entire family so it can be done.

    Hang in there!
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    #10
    You can find jobs...it may not be the 'career' you want, but you can find stuff.

    I pursued my M.A. in school counseling before I met DH, and in retrospect I don't think I would have gotten my masters if I knew I was going to marry someone in the military. I've found it damn near impossible to get a job in my field, but I've also lived in three states in a little over a year now as well. That makes it hard to maintain any semblance of stability.

    I do have a career though. I'm a career counselor...its not my dream job, but it keeps me fulfilled I suppose.

    Also, DH and I do not combine our bank accounts.
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