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Thread: Separate or Joint accounts?

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    #1

    Separate or Joint accounts?

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    Dear Rich,

    I'm currently engaged to an Air Force man. I've recently been given the advice that its better to have one joint account from which everything happens, money gets put into, bills get payed from, and everything is shared. I agree with this because in my opinion, getting married means you now share everything. My grandparents have been married almost 60 years, I would think that if that worked for them, it could work for us. What I want to know is, is it better to have separate accounts? to have that "that is yours" and "this is mine", "you worry about your stuff" type of attitude? that kind of scares me a little, and can foresee that causing arguments in the future. I just talked to DF about it, and he says "well all my friends have separate accounts from their wives, so that is what I want". To be honest, this really annoyed me. I dont like that hes basing what he wants to do on what his friends do, thinking that is the best way to go about handling the finances. Please help me out here, tell me if I am in the wrong here and what is the best way to do it!
    -Val
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    #2
    We have joint savings and checking for our BIG savings and all expenses. Each month we get money in our separate accounts to do what we want with...

    if we get a speeding ticket, it comes out of separate
    if we want to eat out/movie it comes out of one of our separates. (depending on who wants to treat that night)
    if we want to buy the other a gift, it comes out of separate
    if we want to save up for something that ONLY we really want, it's from separate (IE--a tv for our house would be joint, but me wanting a Wii is separate)

    Basically, routine bills (cable, debt, etc) comes out of joint. Our big savings account is joint. Any surprises come out of joint. We have one debit card for joint that we share so that there is no charging without the other knowing, but the only time it's really charged is for groceries. Everything else is bill pay.

    Having the separate is great. If DH wants to buy me a present, he can and it'll still be a surprise. Using separate for date nights make it still seem like a real date night. Money management is easier because with the exception of emergencies, everything is predictable with our joint account.
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    #3
    Quote Originally Posted by mandizzle View Post
    We have joint savings and checking for our BIG savings and all expenses. Each month we get money in our separate accounts to do what we want with...

    if we get a speeding ticket, it comes out of separate
    if we want to eat out/movie it comes out of one of our separates. (depending on who wants to treat that night)
    if we want to buy the other a gift, it comes out of separate
    if we want to save up for something that ONLY we really want, it's from separate (IE--a tv for our house would be joint, but me wanting a Wii is separate)

    Basically, routine bills (cable, debt, etc) comes out of joint. Our big savings account is joint. Any surprises come out of joint. We have one debit card for joint that we share so that there is no charging without the other knowing, but the only time it's really charged is for groceries. Everything else is bill pay.

    Having the separate is great. If DH wants to buy me a present, he can and it'll still be a surprise. Using separate for date nights make it still seem like a real date night. Money management is easier because with the exception of emergencies, everything is predictable with our joint account.
    Ok so basically, the majority of each of your paychecks goes into the joint account, where bills are payed. now when i say bills, does one of you handle the bills for both of you or are you both responsible for your own stuff? that was the aspect that i didnt like. I like the idea of having your own account to spend on gifts or your own wants rather than needs, but when it comes to bills and major spending, ide want that to be joint, so each knows what the other is doing.
    -Val
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    #4
    Quote Originally Posted by mandizzle View Post
    Having the separate is great. If DH wants to buy me a present, he can and it'll still be a surprise. Using separate for date nights make it still seem like a real date night. Money management is easier because with the exception of emergencies, everything is predictable with our joint account.

    i think having a joint account and a separate account would be nice because of what you said ^^^^ buying gifts and keeping them secret would be hard unless you had this option.

    my db and i have kind of planned on just having joint accounts because that way we will know where all the money is and once someone (i) pay the bills and stay on top of the finances i will be able to tell him how much money we have left to spend or save until we get paid again.

    most likely what we would do on a monthly basis is pay our bills, save a certain amount of money and then each of us would be free to do whatever we please with the remainder of the money so long as we can each use a fair portion of it. in the end if you dont track it down to a dime i think things kind of balance out. you'll probably do the majority of your spending with one another, and if you go out one night he may go out on a different night. but i think it all comes around. and like you said, i am of the mindset that once you are married you now share everything that includes your income, your debt etc. so why not just have shared accounts?

    my boss and his wife only have separate accounts but its rather unfortunate because i feel like one of them is rich and the other one is not. i don't think thats a good way to live, and that it must cause some strain on the relationship.

    ok sorry that was long i'm off my soap box now....
    Laura
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    #5
    We have a Joint Savings/Checking/Credit cards. I am good with money and I dont mind paying bills and stuff...So I do it all. He is not a big spender either, so we never really fight about money...it works for us!

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    #6
    We joined our accounts before we even got married. We realized we went places mostly together and it just made sense to combine them. We trust each other completely with money, and we have the same ideas about money (we're both cheap ) so it works for us.

    For others, it's not a great idea. If you're both earning an income and let's say he's a spender and you are a saver, it could be a bad idea. Money is one of the biggest problems in marriage, so you have to find out what works for you guys.

    If only one person is working and earning an income, I'd say a joint account is best, otherwise what would you do for money when they're gone?
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by elle_hunter View Post
    i think having a joint account and a separate account would be nice because of what you said ^^^^ buying gifts and keeping them secret would be hard unless you had this option.

    my db and i have kind of planned on just having joint accounts because that way we will know where all the money is and once someone (i) pay the bills and stay on top of the finances i will be able to tell him how much money we have left to spend or save until we get paid again.

    most likely what we would do on a monthly basis is pay our bills, save a certain amount of money and then each of us would be free to do whatever we please with the remainder of the money so long as we can each use a fair portion of it. in the end if you dont track it down to a dime i think things kind of balance out. you'll probably do the majority of your spending with one another, and if you go out one night he may go out on a different night. but i think it all comes around. and like you said, i am of the mindset that once you are married you now share everything that includes your income, your debt etc. so why not just have shared accounts?

    my boss and his wife only have separate accounts but its rather unfortunate because i feel like one of them is rich and the other one is not. i don't think thats a good way to live, and that it must cause some strain on the relationship.

    ok sorry that was long i'm off my soap box now....
    Hey Laura, thanks for your response. you and i share the same mindset, im so glad im not the only one I really dont want that bold line across our relationship marking who has more money and who does not. That is what I do not like, and I do think that will put a strain on the relationship. I want us to be able to be open with each other about spending and make decisions together. I do like how whatever is left over from the joint account, you each are given an amount to play with as you please, or choose to just save it. i think it would be alot easier to just have one major account to deal with, and one person (me) making sure all the bills get payed.
    -Val
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    Quote Originally Posted by Amber View Post
    We joined our accounts before we even got married. We realized we went places mostly together and it just made sense to combine them. We trust each other completely with money, and we have the same ideas about money (we're both cheap ) so it works for us.

    For others, it's not a great idea. If you're both earning an income and let's say he's a spender and you are a saver, it could be a bad idea. Money is one of the biggest problems in marriage, so you have to find out what works for you guys.

    If only one person is working and earning an income, I'd say a joint account is best, otherwise what would you do for money when they're gone?
    this is exactly what i was thinking, im going to be continuing my education and probably working part time, so i wont be making as much money as he does, so its like, whats the point.?
    -Val
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    #9
    My mother didn't have a separate account and that makes getting my dad suprise gifts really difficult. My dad knows what goes in and what goes out of that account. I plan on having a joint account as well as a separate account. It just makes the most sense to me in my situation.
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by oneandonlyval View Post
    Ok so basically, the majority of each of your paychecks goes into the joint account, where bills are payed. now when i say bills, does one of you handle the bills for both of you or are you both responsible for your own stuff? that was the aspect that i didnt like. I like the idea of having your own account to spend on gifts or your own wants rather than needs, but when it comes to bills and major spending, ide want that to be joint, so each knows what the other is doing.
    Our joint is USAA and our separates are BOA. We transfer money from separates to joint. We do a monthly budget together. Sometimes we revise it mid month though. As far as what bills are paid...it's "our bills"...I can only think of 2 that are separate. Car payment comes out of his and cell phone comes out of mine...
    (813):
    y-o-u-r-e= you are,
    y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of
    douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english.
    that is all.
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