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Thread: If you've gone through this- I need your help

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    #1

    Help If you've gone through this- I need your help

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    Really, anyone with any advice is welcome to give me any hints or tips you can provide.


    My DH will be getting out of the Navy very soon. He's got a legtimate amount of fears which I know are totally normal. He's afraid he won't be able to find a job when he gets out, and another big one he's afraid of is that our relationship won't be the same. Weve never gone this long without seeing each other (over a year). So I'm of course worried too, but I know we'll make it.

    I've done what I can to reassure him that things will be fine, because we are meant to be together. But I just need help figuring out how to be there for him as he readjusts to civilian life.

    What can I do or NOT do to help his adjustment back to the civi world as easy as possible??

    I'm absolutely clueless-- I've never gone through this before.
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    #2
    love you.
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    #3
    Sorry I don't have any advice, but I do want to get together for coffee or something very soon, hon. Ada misses you!

    DH: Thank you. ME: For what, babe? DH: For being you.




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    I miss you and Ada too!!!! Maybe this week we can do lunch! i've been craving mexican like a fool
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    #5
    I have no idea but I would/will take things 1 day at a time, give one another time to adjust. I will except there to be a honeymoon phase, which might be followed by a phase of iritation (I'm expecting this one) living together will most likely get on your nerves at one point of another; well it might for me... I've become happily independent. I'm preparing myself with reminders of when he was gone... also keeping in mind that he does things differently, but may end up with the same results... pick my battles...those all sound negative! It'll be better once you get into a phase of settling in, not worried about tomorrow so much, relaxing and knowing you'll be there for one another... getting into the swing of things and the newness of it all may have worn off a bit. I can't wait to get to that phase, but I thrive off of routine with the occasional spontanious night...I'm such a mom
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    Thanks Annie

    We have talked about waiting a little bit to have sex again so that we can get to know each other again on a deeper level than just physical.

    We know it will happen eventually (and probably sooner than he thinks ) but we've gone soooo long without being together I think he's worried it won't be the same.

    I've also agreed to remember that he will have to adjust for a while and he's promised to not block me out, and let me in.

    But I guess I'm worried that I won't know how to help him adjust. Not really sure of what to say or how to act.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Hottie. View Post
    Thanks Annie

    We have talked about waiting a little bit to have sex again so that we can get to know each other again on a deeper level than just physical.

    We know it will happen eventually (and probably sooner than he thinks ) but we've gone soooo long without being together I think he's worried it won't be the same.

    I've also agreed to remember that he will have to adjust for a while and he's promised to not block me out, and let me in.

    But I guess I'm worried that I won't know how to help him adjust. Not really sure of what to say or how to act.
    I completely understanding wanting to help him adjust, but I do think that being yourself and enjoying your time together will help him. For me, I will continue living my life as I live it now, we're pretty busy, and DF is more than welcome to join us, of course. I'm also wondering about the balance... like how to let him adjust/let him be, but also incorporate him into our lives... because I want him with us, doing what we do... kwim?

    So I'll be this one for any of our experienced members to come on in with their pearls of wisdom.
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    #9
    One concern of his is that he doesn't want me to smother him. Which I do have a tendency to do when he comes home.

    I will have to constantly remind myself that he won't be home JUST for 2 weeks. It's programmed in that he's not home permanently, that our time together has an expiration date. So I'll have some adjusting of my own to do.


    Thank you
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    it sounds to me like he's worried about getting too much attention. I think you're right to try to prepare your thought process and redirect the way it used to be, to what it will be... strategize and really think of alternatives to being "on top of him" while he's home. When you notice that "this might be too much" what can you plan on doing that will be least smothering... to him... can you get him to define what smothering means to him so that you know what "not to do"
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