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Thread: Scared and don't know what to do...

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    #1

    Scared and don't know what to do...

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    Hi there...I have a lot of questions and concerns, but don' know where to start. My DH has been in the navy for 19 years and is facing retirement if he doesn't make chief. His last exam is this Jan...I know he has a year left before retirement, but i feel we have so much to do...and so little time. I feel so bad because I am unable to help him wit income. I hate telling people why I can't work but the truth is I have been struggling with Panic Disorder for at least the last 12 years or more and am Bipolar. I have been going through a lot, including feeling ill and having scary symptoms since Oct. Anyways, that is another issue..we don't have anything saved up for retirement and are trying to pay off debt. We don't know where we will be moving to. He didn't want to live near family or friends. We live in CA and they live in other states. Ok..how do we find out where we want to move to? How far in advance do we plan and get ready for the retirement/move? What are the first steps we need to do? We have been to the TAPS class together, and am still confused..can't get hubby to start his own planning or study for chief test..feel like i am waisting my time...do they do it on their own? How do I be supportive...i need to stop pressuring him. He doesn't even know what he wants to do..Sorry if this message is confusing to some of you...Haven't written on a board in ages, and need to get this stuff out and the help we need. I think we are both afraid to ask Thanks.
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    #2
    Welcome to the board. You should go introduce yourself btw.

    The Air Force recently changed their terms kicking people out who don't make rank in time too. We've had 4 retirements in the last month from guys being forced out that way. I know its been stressful on their families.

    I see it as he has two options... he can either do all the preparations to get ready to get out... or buckle down and study and try to make the rank he needs. Ultimately you can't do anything about it, but definitely let him know that it effects more than just him, it effects your whole family.

    I hope he realizes things soon!
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    Thanks for the reply!

    I will go introduce myself after this...yeah, I have told him that it doesn't just affect him, it affects our whole family...he is a procrastinator...he has done really well with his work, I am really proud of him! Just when it comes time to study, he has never been good at that...says he always gets distracted...we have 2 kids. But I know there is more to it than that. I have gotten so mad because he won't study. But nothing works. So I feel I have to sit back and wait to see what happens. I have an AA in Psychology and know what it is like to study. Since I couldn't go to work, that is what I kept myself busy doing. Haven't been in school for a couple years because the university is an hour away..

    I am so frustrated by this, and it is making me a bit depressed. I have been researching with him places to live and doing some research by myself too...I don't bring it up a lot, cause sometimes it makes him mad. Honestly, I think he is frustrated and doesn't know what to do. I just need some support on this and know that it will be alright and we won't be living on the streets. Is there anyone that can help us make our decisions as far as what to do first? Thanks .
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    #4
    At this point if he is not willing to buckle down and study so he can make chief and stay in the Navy he needs to decide what careers are available to him based on what he has done witht he military. After that he needs to look into places that are hiring for those types of jobs. Don't worry about where the the jobs are because in this economy you go where the work is. Once he has interviews lined up start doing research on the areas they are in. I cannot stress enough that your husband needs to get on the ball now no matter what he decides: study or job hunt. Good luck and I hope he does well on his exam so that he can stay in longer.
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    My DH retired over a year ago with 21 years in. We are currently still at our last base and he goes to school full time and I work on the base.

    It may be a good idea to stay by a base and he can apply for civilian government jobs at your base. I have known so many people that have retired on a Friday and have shown up back to work on Monday on base as a GS-12.

    I was really scared with DH retiring as it was all we knew for so long. Just take it one step at a time.

    Let me know if you have any questions.
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    Hello..I hope he does realize it soon too...well, I honestly don't want to be too close to a base or have anything to do with the base anymore after he retires...I am ready to have a civilian life. So sick of the navy and what we put up with. But I want to be close enough to go to the pharmacy or commissary. Is there any way I can persuade him nicely to start looking for what he wants to do? I realize I am not much of a help to him, because I have not been so nice about it...I am just worried. I wonder how others are doing it...he knows nothing else but being in the navy...I am thinking that he can do a manager position..he is good at that...or work for the airlines, as an electrition. Maybe writing on here will give me some ideas. My sister was even looking for a place for us in her state and have actually found houses, but hubby didn't want to go check it out. He doesn't want to pay for the expense of airline tickets...I think it would be better to find a place sooner than later so that we know where we are staying...what do you think? His retirement date is Jan. 2012...Can he get an extension if we don't find a place? Thanks.
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    #7
    Quote Originally Posted by tforty185 View Post
    Hello..I hope he does realize it soon too...well, I honestly don't want to be too close to a base or have anything to do with the base anymore after he retires...I am ready to have a civilian life. So sick of the navy and what we put up with. But I want to be close enough to go to the pharmacy or commissary. Is there any way I can persuade him nicely to start looking for what he wants to do? I realize I am not much of a help to him, because I have not been so nice about it...I am just worried. I wonder how others are doing it...he knows nothing else but being in the navy...I am thinking that he can do a manager position..he is good at that...or work for the airlines, as an electrition. Maybe writing on here will give me some ideas. My sister was even looking for a place for us in her state and have actually found houses, but hubby didn't want to go check it out. He doesn't want to pay for the expense of airline tickets...I think it would be better to find a place sooner than later so that we know where we are staying...what do you think? His retirement date is Jan. 2012...Can he get an extension if we don't find a place? Thanks.
    No...no extension. When your last day is up that is it. Now...when you retire you get 30-45 days permissive TAD where you use that to get things set up to where you are moving to.

    He will want to go to a Resume building shop to get that all set for when he gets out. Also...if he wants to go back to school at all you get E-5 BAH w/ dependents for wherever you live and a $1000 a year stipend.

    This is a great job site too Job Search | one search. all jobs. Indeed.com
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    #8
    I agree with decks, job first, then location based on that, it's the smartest way to do things with the economy the way it is. What does your husband do in the navy? Start looking at jobs that can translate to in the civilian world. There are resources on base to help figure that out too.
    No more damn ticker, he's home!
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    #9
    Quote Originally Posted by decks89 View Post
    My DH retired over a year ago with 21 years in. We are currently still at our last base and he goes to school full time and I work on the base.

    It may be a good idea to stay by a base and he can apply for civilian government jobs at your base. I have known so many people that have retired on a Friday and have shown up back to work on Monday on base as a GS-12.

    I was really scared with DH retiring as it was all we knew for so long. Just take it one step at a time.

    Let me know if you have any questions.
    that acutally sounds pretty good Decks. DH is being forced out in dec 2012 they let him extend for 2 years. He will only have 14 years in at that point. but very much going to have him look into this.
    Florida girl in a Snowy World
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    #10
    Quote Originally Posted by decks89 View Post
    My DH retired over a year ago with 21 years in. We are currently still at our last base and he goes to school full time and I work on the base.

    It may be a good idea to stay by a base and he can apply for civilian government jobs at your base. I have known so many people that have retired on a Friday and have shown up back to work on Monday on base as a GS-12.

    I was really scared with DH retiring as it was all we knew for so long. Just take it one step at a time.

    Let me know if you have any questions.
    Quote Originally Posted by USNwifey03 View Post
    At this point if he is not willing to buckle down and study so he can make chief and stay in the Navy he needs to decide what careers are available to him based on what he has done witht he military. After that he needs to look into places that are hiring for those types of jobs. Don't worry about where the the jobs are because in this economy you go where the work is. Once he has interviews lined up start doing research on the areas they are in. I cannot stress enough that your husband needs to get on the ball now no matter what he decides: study or job hunt. Good luck and I hope he does well on his exam so that he can stay in longer.
    ditto....from dh's last command and this command, several PO1s and PO2s have been forced out due to not making rank in their alloted time frames, and have gone from military to working security or other areas. Its good money, no deployments, but you do deal with shift work. He may need to see now or soon as possible when to file an application with whatever civilian contract job he wants. I know some that waited until they were out and had to take jobs at local fast food restaurants or day temp work for construction until they were able to get into the civilian contract jobs they were pursuing, and others who started out six months before hand and just slide in from active duty right into their civilian contract job within a week of being discharged. good luck
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